My GF Is So Panget (Various Faces of Liars)

Chapter 41: Compunction of An Ex-Angel

Chapter 41:

Lani

I'm recounting my conversation with Ashley via Skype earlier, while am lying here on my bed. I hug my pillow as I recount what she asked me. "Is that worth it, Lan? That fight you are fighting for. Is he worth fighting for?"

 

Immediately and confidently, I answered her, "Of course!" However, deep inside me, I was confused. A bigger question entered my mind: WILL I REALLY END UP WITH DAVE DESPITE OF MY WRONG DOING?

She told me, "Lan... I find that hard to believe, sorry."

It made me more confused. What did she mean? Was she reading my mind or actions or my eyes or what? Pero, uh, kung sabagay, ever since Chloe and I fought, kay Ashley, of course, beside Christine, na lang ako nagkukwento ng lahat--my feelings, my thoughts, and everything. Hence, I have no doubt that she knows a big part of me.

I hug my pillow more tightly as I recount my reply to her. I asked her how did she say it and she replied, "Because I realized, a fight is worth fighting for, if and only if, you see the end in spite of all the hardships--and that end--that is the light, the fire... Your aim!" She's doing a pointing gesture when she told me that.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot sa kanya that time--humalumbaba na lang ako. She leaned on her couch and continued. "It's not worthy if you are fighting and fighting and fighting...yet the end is so obscure. Unworthy fight is like those of illegal settlers fighting for a land they do not own in the first place. They keep fighting against the demolition team, not knowing they're already an outright losers. To cut the long story short, an unworhty fight is undoubtedly a losing battle. And the best way to do--is to surrender."

 

I remember I replied nothing but silence. She leaned forward and asked me, "Lan, do you still see him and you together at the end?"

I tried to mutter my answer but she cut me. "Wait. Um, be realistic, okay?! Do not answer me through your clouded mind and heart."

I was shockingly intimidated by what she said so I replied, "How could you, Ash? How could you speak to me that way? You're becoming Chloe. Someone like... Ms. I-know-what-you-feel, when you actually DO NOT."

Ashley, Chloe, and I were bestfriends. However, it's Ashley who remained as my bestfriend as Chloe, apparently, is now one of my enemies.

"Lani Marie!" Tumaas na ang tone niya. She wasn't smiling. Her expression was authoritative, and it reminded me Chloe. Chloe's the leader, the bossy, the tactless, etc. among us. On the other hand, Ash's the sweetest, the kindest, the coolest, and the smartest. Hence, whenever she gets mad or what, it surprises us.

She continued speaking with a lower tone of voice which made me calm somehow. "Lani Marie, listen. I know you're still clouded by anger, by jealousy, by disappointment, by... By love. Bes, our minds and our hearts can be clouded by anything, so before we decide, speak, and act, let's make it clear first. Now, do as I say." She straightened her back and said, "Breathe and think deeply, then answer my question. Do you see yourself together with Dave in the end of that battle?"

I did what she said, so I'd taken a deep breath and had thought for a few minutes, before I answered... "No."

I myself was astounded by my answer. In fact, I want to say yes--yes, I still want us to be together at the end, because I still love him; but I guess, reality conquered my whole being, that's why I blurted out 'no'.