Hawke in Inquisition

Chapter 1

Blackness surrounded me. The longer I sat there, the more hope was lost that somehow I would escape. It felt like hours. Days, even.

Until finally I saw a light. The most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

Fenris slowly faded out of the blackness. His full form stood in front of me, beckoning with one of his lyrium-marked hands. He would save me. He always did.

I forcefully grabbed his hand. Tears were slowly threatening to escape from my eyes, so happy that finally, someone came. And it was him.

I meant to stand up and embrace him. I wanted him to whisper in my ear that everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be fine. That he was here for me.

But his grip... Something was not right. It wasn't tight, as if he was mocking my desperation. I squeezed harder, begging for him to pull me up.

He shook my hand loose and laughed an evil, deep sound that eminated through his throat.

This wasn't him. His normally blue lyrium markings changed to a bright red color that I had only seen twice in my life. First, in the Primeval thaig I ventured into with him, Varric, and Bethany. Second, when Meredith betrayed the city of Kirkwall when she became victim to red lyrium.

I fell backwards in horror. He glared into my eyes, his markings glowing brighter. I knew all too well what he was going to do.

He leaned down on one knee and painfully reached into my chest, grabbing my heart and slowly crushing it. It was the worst pain I had ever felt, compressing and collapsing. I cried out, but any sound I made was muffled by his laugh.

Why wasn't I dead? Why was he so intent on making me suffer? I was always by his side, loving him even more than life itself.

I prayed to the Maker to make this pain stop. Did he answer? I closed my eyes, but when I opened them again Fenris was gone, but the pain was still there.

Suddenly, I fell. There was no ground, no end to this darkness or the crushing inside my chest. I looked around, feeling the tears streaking my face. I saw the corpses of Bethany, Carver, my mother and father surrounding me; their expressions holding nothing but betrayal.

***

I screamed at the top of my lungs , hurling out of bed and crashing to the floor. I hugged my knees to my chest and tried to make the images disappear from my mind.

All of their deaths were my fault.

If I didn't beg to accompany my father that day, if I would've taken on the ogre that crushed Carver, if I left Bethany in Kirkwall when we went down into the Deep Roads, if I was faster to rescue my mother from that blood mage's hands... they would still be alive.

Fenris. I needed Fenris here. He was the only one I wanted to see. I needed to be sure he wasn't what I saw in my dream.

"Messare Hawke!" Guards barged into my room, with Aveline's husband, Donnic, speaking. He normally patrolled the streets, but since the riots had become more frequent, Aveline demanded that I was put under stronger protection. "Pardon the intrusion, but we heard screaming coming from your chambers. We assumed the rioters had managed to climb the balcony."

I stood up and quickly composed myself. As Vicountess, I could not show weakness, even to the guard. "Rioters?"

"Correct. Outside the keep."

I shook my head. "Wonderful. Double the guard by the entrance and arrest any rioter that tries to enter. I might allow them to be released in the morning. Now leave me." I needed to be alone for just a bit longer.