The Winter Ghost

Part 19

"You're it, Doll. Always have been." He mumbled, "Just sorry I didn't tell you sooner that I-" Bucky stiffened in your arms, his eyes filling with fear and regret. With the blink of an eye he was gone, fading away like sand between your fingers.

"Please no. I can't do this again. Not again- NO!" You screamed, falling over onto where he once sat. You had convinced yourself if you kept your eyes closed long enough, when you opened them, he'd be back. Like this was all some wicket nightmare. Like none of it was real.

But when you opened your eyes, he was gone. He had been for five long years.

.......................................................................................................................

Steve walked you to your car through the empty parking lot after the meeting. You sipped on the disposable cup in your hand filled with Starbucks Coffee one of the 'survivors', Rachel had brought to the meeting. Over the years, the two of you had gotten close. As close as you would allow yourself, that is. She reminded you of Wanda, though you would never permit yourself to make the connections. It was always too painful to remember those who disappeared in the snap. Especially her.

Especially him...

"Good meeting huh?" Steve smiled, leaning against the side of your car.

"Hm?" You quirked a brow, his voice pulling you from your thoughts. "Oh, yeah. Another one for the books Cap." You spoke sarcastically, giving him a forced smile.

"Thank you for coming. I know I always say it, but I think Bucky would be happy knowing you're taken care of."

"I don't need to be 'taken care of'" You mumbled, fidgeting with your keys and finally unlocking your car. There was a moment of silence, a lull that you often added as you waited for Wanda or Sam to chime in... Almost every time, you forgot.

"You know what I mean." He smiled. You didn't know how he did that. It seemed so easy to him. There were nights you would practice smiling in the mirror, begging your face to make it look normal and not forced. So far, to no avail. Steve must practice all the time...

"You know I only come for the coffee."

"That's alright."

"Okay, good. I'm not getting all warm and fuzzy in there."

"Again, were just happy to have you." You looked him over, looking for any sign of sarcasm in his face, but came up short.

You were about to get in your car when your body stopped you.

"Do you miss him?" You asked, unable to meet his eyes. He shuffled for a moment before reaching across and taking your hand.

"So much it hurts." His voice was almost a whisper. When you met his eyes, they were softer than you'd ever seen before. So much hurt and regret clouding them.

"It really does- hurt I mean. So fucking much. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I feel like it's never going to stop." The words fell from your lips before you could stop them. Steve looked just as shocked as you were. Over the years your relationship had evolved into snarky comments and short sentences. There was definitely less disdain there, but you never shared anything personal with him before. He looked as though he didn't know what to say.

You were about to brush him off when he closed the distance between the two of you and pulled you into a hug. The action caught you off guard, and though the thought crossed your mind to pull away and curse him out, all you could do is stand there, arms at your sides letting Captain America hold you.