Ball Or Nothing (2)

(1.)

This shower was very refreshing, to say the most part. I did quite a bit of thinking before I turned the music on. Then I turned it on to drown out my thoughts.

I think too much sometimes.

After rinsing the soap off my body, I step out of the glass door to the shower. I then enter my room, picking out what I wanted to wear. I figure sometime this week, I have to tell Derek what happened. He's going to be real pissed though, I know that much.

I stare at myself in the mirror as I slip on my shirt. As I push my hair out, I notice a red mark on my neck.

"Shit!" I mumble, grabbing a comb off the dresser. I start to comb the red space to stop it from clogging and turning into a hickey. And since it looks recent, Derek is not going to believe that he gave it to me. He did give me one not too long ago though.

I sigh, pulling the sheets off my bed and going to wash them. It reeks of Melo's cologne. At first I don't want to clean them because they smell like him, but then I remember that we just fornicated all over them.

As I wait for the sheets to wash, I think about everything that just happened. Melo coming over to apologize for what he did to me all these years, me kissing him first, then losing my virginity to him. None of it was rushed either, it all came naturally. At a slow pace. We took things slow.

Of course I was in pain. The entire bottom half of my body just experienced sex for the first time. I had to be opened up just to fit him inside. I'd be lying my ass off if I said it didn't feel good though. Because it damn sure did.

I can still feel him thrusting into me, giving me all of him. I can feel his warm breath on my neck and his wet kiss. The eye contact we made while he penetrated my walls was...intense. Everything about what just happened was intense.

The way his hands caressed my body. His chest pressed to mine. His hips colliding with mine. His arms tightening around me. The way he pulsed when he was releasing himself. Even the face he made as he did so.

I swear I've never felt so good in my life.

And that smile. That dammed smile. Was fucking gorgeous. He looks really good. I can see why so many females swoon over him. It's whatever though.

I pace my room, debating on when I should tell Derek and how. He has been nothing but sweet to me, and this is how I do him. I wish I could take it all back, but it can't be undone. I did what I did and now I have to live with it.

I wonder if this makes me a hoe now 🥴.

*****

It's been twelve hours since everything happened and it's still fresh on my mind. I really did the deed with my ex boyfriend. And not only that, but we did it without protection.

Wait...

I was so in the moment, I completely disregarded our need for it. Melo mentioned that he didn't have one, but I told him it was fine. That I would just take a plan B pill. We both know how important our careers are to each other, so to even bother with a kid is a huge no.

I get up out of my bed and go to the pharmacy that sits off campus. I buy what I need then I'm out.

When I get back into the apartment, Kyra is walking into the kitchen.

"Hello." She mumbled.

"Hi." I keep calm.

After our fight a while back, we haven't really spoken to each other. Then she told me about what Melo did to her and begged me for forgiveness. Of course I forgave her because that's the kind of person I am.

"How have you been?" She asks.

"Umm, I've been okay." I answer honestly. I'm feeling great actually, but she doesn't need to know that.

"That's good to hear." She says, taking a popsicle out of the freezer.

An awkward silence grows between us and I purse my lips, looking down at the ground.

"You seem a little tense. Is everything okay?" She observed me.

"Mhm." I nod, heading toward my room. "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Okay."

I close and lock my door behind me, walking in the direction of my bathroom. I take in a deep breath as I read the directions on the pill. Then I get myself a glass of water and swallow that shit.

No kids.

I stuff the box into my backpack to dispose of it properly later on. The last thing I need is evidence that I've been engaged in any kind of sexual activity. So far, everyone I'm close to knows I'm a virgin. Except for Melo.

I often wonder if things had been different if I stayed in Brooklyn. Obviously Melo would not know of my existence. I wouldn't be friends with Gelo and Zo. Chances are I'd be in Milwaukee with my brothers. Just a lot of unruly shit.

I crawl back into my bed and get comfortable. I tried to sleep earlier, but I couldn't. There was too much shit on my mind. And there still is.

Like, what am I going to tell my mom?