an unfamiliar feeling washes over me. the bottom of my stomach feels tingly and i feel sparks bursting in my chest. what the fuck?
"thanks." i cough out. alex excuses himself and i get up to wash my plate. my hands were shaking and i couldn't point out why.
there is no way i'm catching feelings for this fucking moron.
in all honesty, it was probably just because this was the first person to be nice to me in years. i mean, this kid was giving me everything, food, money, a bed.
i blinked a few times before realizing i had been staring at a fork for two minutes. i needed to finish that painting, and soon.
i quickly made my way back to the mural, setting up my paint and shit. alex came in the room soon after me, carrying two laptops at once.
"you alright?" i almost laugh. he poorly balanced both of them and i was genuinely surprised neither of them fell.
"yeah, just a lot of editing to do." his smile falters slightly. "do you want to listen to some music?"
"sure." i turn my attention back to the wall, somewhat interested in his music taste.
i was surprised when boy pablo started playing, i turned around to state my approval. "nice."
we worked in silence for a few moments, listening to music. it wasn't too bad, it was almost nice not having to force a conversation.
"weird question," i begin to ask. "what's your name for youtube and whatever?"
"oh god." alex laughs. "quackity."
"what." i laugh.
"please don't ask." he begs, laughing with me.
"okay, but what's a crack-titty?"
alex let's out a hyena-type laugh, which made me laugh. "you would love my friends." he says in between laughs.
"i don't know if you've realized, but i'm not very good with people." i say, still smiling.
"yeah but you're cool." he drowns out the last word.
"thanks, bud." i roll my eyes.
"do it or i won't pay you." he jokingly threatens.
"bruh." i deadpan.
"oh my god you have to meet them." alex says again. "you're living in my house."
"don't guilt me." i point my brush at him defensively.
a few hours had past and i decided to take a break. alex was still working, and seemingly becoming more stressed. i excused myself before going to make more food.
i heated up more tortillas, flipping them with my hands, i got out some cheese and looked for meat. sadly, alex didn't have any beef, so i settled with making quesadillas. i took out the chicken and some vegetables.
when i finished making everything, i took out a can of monster that i saw in the back of the fridge. i walked back into the office, handing alex the food and can.
"oh, thanks." he smiles. i nod, stretching before going back to wash everything. when i finished, i went back to my mural. i heard him talking, so i stopped in the doorway.
he made eye contact with me, waving at me to come over to him. cautiously, i do, and i see that he's facetimeing someone.
"this is reyna!" he points the camera to me and i awkwardly smile.
"hello, i'm karl!" a white boy with brown hair waved excitedly at me. "hi karl."
(START OF TW) i felt anxiety crawl up my throat and i feel like i'm going to vomit. this was too much. i mumbled something about going to the bathroom and power walked out of the room as fast as i could. i leaned against the bathroom door, struggling not to black out.
was i seriously about to have a panic attack over something so stupid?
i felt my breathing pattern kick up and i sat down. i couldn't hear anything, my vision was spotty and it was getting very hard to stay conscious. there were a million thoughts going through my head but i couldn't remember what they were.
suddenly, someone was in front of me. it had to be alex, because no one else was in the house, but i couldn't register any facial features. i tried to speak, but all i could mumble was "panic". i tried telling him that i was going to be okay and that i didn't need help, but my throat felt like it was closing up.
(END OF TW) all of a sudden, i felt a cold, wet slap to my face. almost immediately i came back to my senses. now i could see alex, and the wet towel in his hand.
"fuck i'm sorry." to say i was embarrassed was an understatement. no one has ever seen me have a panic attack or even cry, and now he's seen me when i'm completely vulnerable.
"it's okay." alex speaks softly, as if he's carefully picking out the words. "do you want space?"
"can you just, stay here for a minute?" i'm stunned by my own words, but i was still too worked up to care.
he nods, sitting next to me. "sorry for throwing water at you."
"it's a good thing you did." i laugh slightly.
"i'm also really, really sorry for putting you in this situation." his tone is much more serious than before.
"no, no it's okay. just a lot has happened in the past few days and i don't know what's going to happen next." i haven't told someone this much in so long. i haven't felt the urge to talk about the shit i'm feeling in years, and now this kid who wears a beanie awoke something in me.
"you can't control anything that happens in the future. it can be fucking terrifying, but you can also learn to love that."
"wouldn't that be nice."
quackity
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