Scribbles

12th Thoughts

#12th Entry

F E A R --

People fear something they can't understand; something they are not aware of and felt foreign to them.
I always had this fear since the first day I met you.
I always thought, "what is this?" "who is he?" "what could this feeling be?"
I always had those thoughts running in circles every time I see you,
I always had those voices saying, "Stop!" and me answering, "Why?"
And I wish I listened to them because now I understand.
It was when you said, "I always wanted to say I love you."
And it felt like the questions were answered right away.
I knew you were joking but my heart was loud--beating.
I knew this fear.. I knew the answers.. I knew why..
I knew why, but it's too late. I'm always late. It's as if life doesn't want me to have that right timing.

When you took back those words then added, "I'm kidding."
My heart died but my fear didn't subside.
This fear was called "Love";
And the voices were my subconscious telling me to stop.
But my deepest fear is not really me falling in love with you,
It's the fear of not understanding you and the fear of changing "Loving you" to "Losing you"