Scribbles

10th Thoughts

#10 Entry

I  h a v e  t o  s a y  G o o d b y e. .

"Hi." Remember these two letters you spoke that day? I wish you hadn't said it; I wish you held it back.
"Yuki." Remember the first time you said my name? I wish you didn't do it; I wish you held it back.
"How are you?" Remember the first question that you asked? I wish you hadn't said it; I wish you held it back.
"What's up?" Remember that first conversation that we had? I wish I was offline that time and wish you held those words back.
"This is me." Remember the first serious conversation in real life that we had? I wish I noticed myself getting all curious on your existence; I wish I held my words back.
"Let's go somewhere." Remember the first time you asked me out? I wish I said NO and refused talking to you; I wish I held it back.
"Is that you?" Remember the first time you asked me about myself? I wish I hadn't utter any words back then; I wish I didn't introduced myself to you; I wish I held my words back then.
"Are you ok?" Remember the first time that you literally shown concern on me? I wish you didn't do that, coz maybe I can still stop myself from liking you. I wish you held those words back.
"I like that too." Remember the first time we agreed on something? We have different beliefs yet we agree on one thing. I want to take that back; I wish I held it back.
"Go to sleep." Remember that one sentence order you always said everytime we stayed up talking till 3 am? I wish I forced myself to sleep early those days. I wish I missed all your calls that day.
"...." Remember the first night that we didn't talk? I was feeling sad--no, I'm lonely. You called, I wish you didn't did that. I wish I didn't held my hopes that high.
"...." Remember that first week that we had no single communication? I was lonely. I wish you called coz that time, I'm expeting you'll call--but you didn't.
"...." It's almost months but it felt ages since I heard a thing from you. I'm lonely. I've been feelin' pretty low on the first days but I got used to it. Remember when I said in a playful manner that "I like you"? I guess you wouldn't remember it, but I wish you would coz that'll be the last time. I have to say goodbye. My thoughts have been dwelling on you lately and I'm sick of it.

I have to say goodbye and help myself to get better. You've been alive on the pieces that I wrote and it's not helping me to forget you.

I have to say goodbye and stop wishing for you to comeback.

I wish I had said it earlier. I wish I could undo everything, every memories that we had; but having such thoughts would make me a hypocrite, so instead I'll say Thank You and Good Bye.

Farewell, My dear Dude.