Perfectly Deceived

Chapter Five

Breya

Jackson had left a while ago, leaving me with my thoughts. The room was silent but my mind was the loudest it had ever been.everything flooding back to me with a vengeance I wasn't sure I could handle.

I hadn't moved from the spot in front of my window. My eyes burning into the deep blue curtains that currently provided me with the dark sanctuary I hid away in.

It was like my thoughts were to heavy for me to move , weighing me down as if I was a stone statue. As I thought about the question I'd asked jackson I tried to find the part of myself that had hoped for all the years I'd spent under larsen. The part of myself that wanted to live, love and laugh. The part of me that wanted to fight.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't find the hopefulness of the naive girl I'd once been. For the first time in months I finally lived in the present, relived the past and thought of the future. For the first time in my life I could do whatever I wanted. Yet I chose to fade away.

Maybe it was to late for me to try, maybe I was to far lost to find any other way of living. I tried to re imagine the things I used to dream about doing when I thought of my freedom.

I remembered wanting to go to a beach, witness the waves moving recklessly against the shore, feel the salty breeze on my cheeks, I wondered if it was how i imagined it would be. If it would be just as amazing as it was describe in the number of books I'd read.

I thought about what it would be like to enjoy every season without fear, to enjoy a meal that consisted of flavours I could never even imagine without being poisoned. To have a conversation that held laughter and comfort rather than me cowering.

To enjoy all the simple things that life had to offer, everything I've missed out on all my life were the things that kept me going , kept me moving when my body wanted,begged me to just stop.

I thought about jackson and things he'd lost, his family ,his life everything he knew got ripped away from him , then in some cruel twist of fate he was handed to the evil that is larsen. Just like me his choices were ripped away from him.

He was a slave to the devil and now he has to live with all the unbearable grief of the things he did under his command. I now realise jackson is fighting a battle just like me and always has been.

I thought back to the boy I first met, his heart was pure he was full of strength and love. Despite the pain his heart was in. Even now his heart is pure yet he has no idea. I can't imagine how hard it must of been for him to come here yet he did. Not for himself but for me. I could see it in his eyes. No longer cold but now inviting grief and pain practically dripped from his once emotionless irises.

I felt the hot tears stream down my face my heart suddenly beating again with passion. Something I hadn't experienced in a while. My heart ached to support jackson. He may have been a big part in my own pain but i forgave him wholeheartedly. If I'm honest there was nothing to forgive, he never chose to do any of those things.

He proved it the day he stood in front of my body when we had escaped only to be met by larsen. When he put his life at risk to sheild me away from our monster. He thought his need to obey and allowed his body to be used as a chew toy to save mine.

I finally felt the small spark of life run through me. Not for myself but for jackson. I don't think it is even a slight possibility me accepting what I am, I wasn't yet ready to even contemplate being one of them. I was however ready to try to be human, to stop fading away into the background.

I knew it wouldn't be easy, nowthe walls if my heart were a jar I felt the emotion I'd locked away for so long and it wasn't pretty. Regardless if that jackson was right larsen disnt deserve to win we did.

I didnt exactly know how to live or what the first step to trying was , for some reason the urge to reach out to the curtain overtook my body, finally some of the weight lifting of me as my fingers gently grazed the thick material of the curtains. Holding my breath I grasped the edged and dragged it open.

The natural light beamed through the open curtain, my eyes instantly closing to block the brightness out. Slowly I opened them trying hard to welcome the sun in. My breath caught in my throat as I fou d the beauty outside my window. Grass greener than I'd ever seen before traveled for miles, well kept trees and flowers littered the edges. It was beautiful,  breath taking even.

More tears streamed down my face as I was reminded that instead of larsen being to blame for robbing me these incredible moments, it was myself. Not anymore.

Of course I was terrified of what my life was now, and where it was going to take me. I wasn't even sure I was even capable of living out of isolation. No matter how much it scared me I was no longer going to cower at the thought I was going to embrace it until I couldn't anymore.

I thought of jacksoms answer to my question and smiled im uncertainty ' I don't know breya but I do know that you have to learn to live before you figure out the how, and then thats your choice '.

Picking up the bobble that held the leaves of the tree, granting me th ability to mindlink the beta and the king I took a deep breath remembering how to open my mind, I remembered how to block the thoughts around my mind and focus on the person and the words I wanted to speak.

" wolf I need to see you"

A/N

Hello everyone, I just wanted to let everyone know that updates should be once a week as I'm going to be editing perfectly fragile so I won't be able to update as frequentlyas I'd like to . Again thankyou for reading and supporting me and my book ❤