Perfectly Deceived

Chapter Thirteen

Breya

Breya

It was no secret that my life had been a literal hell. A nightmare I've always wanted to wake up from. Now that I've finally got that I feel almost lost. This new life of mine was never going to be easy but I didnt realise just how overwhelming it was going to be.

When I dreamt of all the things I'd do with my freedom it consisted of a simple happy life. One where I'd be one with the nature around me, the same nature I'd grown so familiar with in my days of torture I hoped that I could finally embrace the serenity without the fear . One where I'd find simple happiness in other strangers. I didnt want anything complicated or full of strange people. A simple, basic human life was all I wanted.

I never imagined I'd be living with the royal pack or be fighting against the monster who tore my life from me. I didnt think I had  the courage. Actually that I am still not sure of.

All I know is this last week had been unimaginably overwhelming. The dr had put together a plan one that put my health first completely. I knew that was a good thing my body could already tell the difference even in such a small amount of time. Yet even thst seemed to much.

The plan was simple or atleast it should of been. Eat little but often, shower daily, light exercise and my least favourite see a psychiatrist.

I couldn't understand why I felt so disheartened by these new changes. I no longer felt hunger yet the new and mostly delicious things I'd tried reminded me that I am only now just figuring out taste and what it is I  like. It sounded ridiculous I know but I felt like I was committing a crime. I guess learning to do the things I was forbidden from was harder to get used to than I thought.

Showering daily was euphoric the warm water running over my body felt like I was finally in heaven, I felt clean and refreshed it was incredible .I was  At complete and utter peace until my eyes run over the scars thst mared my body.

Light exercise helped me feel alive leaving my room and seeing different surroundings reminding me that I am not in prison anymore. Yet the pain reminded me of all the damage my body had gone through and just how weak I was.

Seeing a psychiatrist and talking about my unbearable past hadn't happened yet but I could not find one single reason why this was a good idea. I couldn't see how talking to a stranger could ease the pain in my heart.

I tried not think about it to much because all that did was cause my anxiety to grow. Ignoring it seemed to help until now. Sat in a room that was actually incredibly relaxing felt like torture itself. The anticipation of who the stranger would be was difficult to handle.

Tapping my fingers against my shaking leg was only allowing the anxiety to grow. I felt like I was suffocating until the door opened scaring me out of my mind boggling thoughts.

A women dressed in a smart suit walk in calm and poased. She looked to be in her thirties with long blond hair flowing down her back. I shifted my gaze to the hardwood floor tring hard to resist another look.

She hadn't even sat down yet and  I felt completely exposed. According to the dr I had to do this to overcome my trauma. I had to take care of my emotional wellbeing. Despite my reservations I convinced myself to try because if I am honest I was secretly hoping it would help that was a way to finally get over these soul sucking emotions.

The room fell silent for a moment until I heard her heeled shoe walking across the floor again. Light seeped into the room as she pulled the curtains back my eyes squinting slightly at the sudden intrusion.

"Much better isn't it? I always find that the day light makes me feel better "

Her voice was just as elegant and soft as she looked. I found it rather odd that she announced how it made her feel.

" my name is erin its so lovely to finally meet you breya, can I start by asking you a few questions?"

Nodding slightly in apprehension I waited for her first question. I won't lie I was terrified of what kind of question she wanted the answer to.

"Whats your favourite colour?"

My head shot up in confusion my eyes finally settling on her face silently looking for confirmation that I'd heard her right. It seemed so trivial to me plus no one had ever asked me that before. It was well normal.

"Blue"

I managed to respond without even a stutter I would of commended myself more if I wasn't so confused.

"Beautiful choice, and how old are you breya?"

My stomache sank at that I felt my hands intertwine as if to give myself some support. This whole situation was making me feel uneasy.

"I dont know "

She placed her pen down and looked at me with a kind smile.

"Tell me breya do you prefer being indoors or outdoors?"

"Ermm outside"

I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment, none of this made sense to me why did she want to know these things.

" well I was wondering if you'd prefer we could sit on the balcony? I find fresh air helps make us relax a little?"

"Ok"

I felt relief flood me fresh air was exactly what I needed I felt like the room was closing in on me. Guiding me to the patio doors she led me onto the balcony where two comfortable looking sofas sat across from one another. Resting into the soft fabric I let out a breath I hadn't realised I was holding in. I felt my body relax a little as I let the breeze touch my skin.

" I understand this is difficult breya but there are a few things you need to know, the first being we don't have to talk about anything your not comfortable with, this is for you so I want you to feel as relaxed and as comfortable as possible. If you prefer you can lie down , sit up or stand if thsts what helps you. We can break as many times as you would like and stop if its just to much you are in control "

"Thankyou "

Was all i could muster but I meant it just knowing all of that  was a relief.

" so you can start wherever you'd like , a memory or a dream maybe"

I thought for a moment until I decided to just be honest If I  had to do this I was going to give it everything I could because I'd do anything to feel even remotely released from the pain.

" I feel overwhelmed, all of this just seems to much but I... I feel ashamed of that because I should be greatful shouldn't I?"

My cheeks were a blazing mess, I was thankful for the soft breeze that flowed around us hoping it hid the intrusion of my embarrassment.

" im sorry, I didnt mean to be rude I

"Breya please don't apolise you are a person with feelings, you can get angry, sad, happy, confused and say whatever it is you want or need to this here is a safe place for you where you offload onto me in anyway you need to. Everything we discuss stays between us so please don't hold back"

Her words were reassuring but honestly be able to speak without repercussions was honeslty the hardest part. I've been getting a little better with it with colby,jackson and rowen. But honestly there was always that nagging doubt in my mind wondering, questioning, waiting for the consequences I was so used to.

I sighed in frustration how was I supposed to do any of this if I couldn't even talk? My own doubt was crippling and I couldn't help but wonder how I was going to ever move forward.