All Because of You

Chapter 9

"You look depressed this morning," my mom says while I grab some toast.

"Cassie and I had a fight," I reply in a flat voice.

"I got you a present," My mom smiles. She holds out a notebook.

"What would I use this for?" I ask her.

"It's a diary," my mom replies. "I've realized you have been very sad and depressed lately. Now, you can write your feelings in this book. Sometimes expressing your feelings can help."

"Thanks mom but I really am fine," I hug her and take the journal.

I run upstairs and grab my book bag that is sitting in my room. I snatch a pencil from my dresser and open the journal to the first page. I scribbled some letters and read over what I wrote.

Love was just a mistake made by God.

I decide to write more.

He betrayed me. After everything, he turned on me. I am too blind to realize that I am better off without him. The problem is that I can't live without him. He thinks that I'm desperate and a fool. I still really like Andrew and nothing will change that. Nothing.

I write some more stuff in the journal and place it on my dresser. I hop down the steps and leave the safety of my home. When I step onto my driveway Andrew also leaves his house. As usual, I try to avoid him. I fail at my attempt to avoid him and we are soon walking side by side. "Why are you spreading rumors about me?"

"You call them rumors?" Andrew laughs.

I open my mouth to reply but Andrew cuts me off.

"I call them the truth," he says.

"Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you?" I ask throwing my hands up into the air.

"You are just desperate and selfish and I feel bad for you," Andrew replies.

"I really like you, Andrew," I whisper.

"Don't lie to me," he replies in an emotionless voice.

We arrive at the school and Cassie isn't waiting for me outside. I am losing everyone I love. Andrew leaves me to go and talk to Courtney. I stare at them for a second then walk into the school. Cassie is standing there staring at me angrily.

"I am tired of you pushing everyone away and then feeling bad for yourself," Cassie's eyes burn with rage.

"You're the one that kept a huge secret from me," I reply pushing past her.

"An embarrassing secret that I didn't want anyone know. I didn't want everyone to start spreading rumors about me and Andrew," she snaps back at me.

"I would never tell anyone that," I reply astonished that Cassie would think that.

"You were right the other day, best friends do tell each other everything. Best friends also forgive each other," Cassie's eyes start to tear up.

"I guess that means we aren't best friends," I reply. I quickly walk away and realize that she isn't following me. Cassie stops in her tracks and stares at her feet. Courtney walks by and they smile and wave to each other. Then they stop and talk to each other. You have to be kidding me. I try to calm myself by counting the amount of steps it takes to get to my locker. 1 2 3 4. Everyone looks at me weirdly when I walk by. 5 6 7 8. I try not to punch something when a girl starts to laugh at me. 9 10 11 12. I can't take it anymore. A boy bumps into my shoulder causing me to drop my books.

"I am so sorry," the boy gasps.

"Watch where you're going," I reply. I feel like someone lit a bomb inside me and I am going to explode.

"Geese, don't have to be such a jerk," the boy laughs with his friend.

"I'm not the one that made me drop all of my books!" I reply. Everyone stops what they're doing to stare. I pick everything up and tears slowly fall down my cheeks. I reach my locker and stuff everything inside. I get what I need for first period and Cassie walks by. Before I can even try to avoid her, a hand flies out at me. I don't dodge it when it hits me right in the face. I was a familiar hand. Cassie's hand. Then Andrew walks by and hits my books to the ground and the bell rings. I don't care that I'm going to be late. I sit on the ground and cry. I am surprised I have any tears left to cry lately. Someone picks me up from underneath my arms and I look to see who it is. Jason. He was probably a part of what just happened. He was one of Andrew's best friends and now he is probably going to hurt me again. I yell at Jason "Don't touch me! Get off of me!"

"Olivia, please let me help you," Jason pleads.

"No," I cry. I get up and run away. I run down the hall and out the doors. No one sees me escape this prison of torture. I run into the woods. I don't stop to think about where I'm going. I know exactly where I'm going. This will all end soon.

I cut to the left on the trail and a twig whacks me in the face. A thorn from a bush catches onto my pants and won't let go. I make the huge mistake of grabbing the thorn bush's branch to unhook the thorn from my blue jeans. Blood sits in my palm but I ignore it. All of the pain, anger, and suffering will soon disappear. I trip on a rock but I don't get up. I just lay there crying like a big baby. I slowly stand up ready to end all of my pain. Big tree branches block my vision of my destination. When I push the branches back I can clearly see it. The bridge. I run my hand along the rail that prevents cars from falling off. I almost laugh at it. It can't prevent people from falling off. Luckily it is an icy bridge so it would be assumed that I slipped and fell off. I climb over the rail and sit down on the small sliver of the bridge. My feet dangle over the sides and I know this is the only way to stop the suffering. The only way. I pray no one is following me and I scoot to the edge of the bridge. I keep scooting until I am about to fall. I take deep breaths and close my eyes. Come on Olivia you can do it. You won't be in pain anymore. I open my eyes and look up at the sky. I never realized how beautiful it really is. I scoot forward one more inch and nothing is there to catch me. I fall through the air at incredible speed and then I hit the water. Something hits my head so hard I feel like I want to throw up. I only see blue water, then, nothing.