Can I Come Over?

12:Let's Play Pretend

Metathesiophobia--the fear of change. No not the fear of nickels, dimes, and quarters but that something is happening and you can't do anything about it. I was dreading Julie's arrival which was scheduled to be any minute. That's what I was experiencing right now-fear of change.  Everyone else on the other hand doing just fine. They sat on the floor near the TV trying to decide which movie we should watch.

My leg shook anxiously as I thought about all the possibilities of how this situation could go.

I could hate her, lose Brandon.

She could hate me, I still lose Brandon.

Or the most uncommon result, we like each other. That was very unlikely given my track record. I'd never been a fan of having girls as friends anyway. All my life Katie and her addictions made sure I was alone. The ones from my high school didn't stick around because I couldn't explain why they couldn't come over my house and why I wasn't able to go places with them. They wouldn't have understood that my house was practically an addict hide away most nights. I'd hidden my mother very well throughout those four years.

The only one who ever really knew about my mom was Brandon and Luke. I wonder if he told Julie about my mom…he wouldn’t.

Would he?

I quickly shook the thought out of my head. Brandon knew how sensitive of a subject Katie was. She was like a wound that just wouldn’t close to heal. Everything was a constant reminder of the life I once lived. Either the things that used to go on or that I wish had.

Avery and I unpacking grocery made me think about how Katie and I rarely did. A gloomy feeling would overtake me because things couldn’t have been different.

Going to work every day made me nostalgic of how Katie did when she had a job once upon a time ago.

Every night when I go to bed I still have to lock my door out of habit. I know no one’s going to try to sneak into my room now but still…I wasn’t that comfortable with this new environment yet.

The loud ring throughout the apartment caused my body to tense almost instantly, someone was downstairs buzzing us to open the door. Brandon shot up from his crouched position and raced to the door.

“Hey guys, she just texted me and said she’s downstairs. I’m going to go bring her up,” Brandon said looking up from his phone. I gave him a small nod and tried to smile but the confused looks on Avery and Luke’s face told me it looked more like a grimace so I dropped it as he went out the door, closing it behind him.

“What’s going on, Lily?” Avery asked as he slid into the spot next to me on the couch. Luke plopped down on the other side. They both stared intently at me.

I shrugged my shoulder to try to appear carefree, “nothing,” I answered simply.

“She doesn’t want to meet Julie,” Luke answered as if it were the clearest thing in the world.

“Well duh,” Avery said before rolling her eyes.

“What do you mean? I can’t wait to meet Julie. She’s my best friend’s girlfriend. Why wouldn’t I want to meet her? I’m thrilled to be meeting her,” I told them.

“Then why are your hands clenched into fists?” Luke asked with interest. I looked down at my hands and noticed they were in fact balled up. My nails began to pinch the palm of my hands and when I unclenched them I saw they had the half-moon marks from my nails.

How hard was I making a fist?

“So what’s going on with you and Brandon?” Avery asked. “I mean you said you guys were best friends, how come you haven’t met his girlfriend yet?”