bear with me

How I Became Better

The better me

I felt sick not doing something is a big thing for me as workaholic like me can't stay at a place doing nothing. Still it was no wonder having my first appointment with a sick journalist ready scavenge me is what I felt while I was moving towards the room. Everyone said a mental idiots go back but I stood away enough I can't tolerate more it was enough for me. Ignoring is an easy job for me but this time it wasn't. I wasn't going to barge in as I was talking and muttering this shit I went and then I broke at her glance I was an idiot as I spoke shyness seemed to sink me to earth. Hehehehehe! You did it. It had worked but she was about to say things that I would never mind to hear and aunt just smiled and I knew she knew. I wasn't afraid I told everyone and she felt a sensation as I passed I shivered and I just couldn't see an old person lying there alive and usually hot blooded and passionate but now a frail and weak being was here with me. His kind eyes gazed at me and yet in so much pain he smiled and said he was fine it was an outburst that made me feel guilty but what could I say it was agonizing to hear him say that he was going to die and it broke me. All this time he was a grandfather to me a loner who is lives in abyss of hell with a companion like him the hell seemed heaven. His eyes were red and mine were pale and it seemed both were tired of this but I thought about it I will say this "please be okay".

It would be a wonder if it turned true but a calm logic and sense told me it was never going to be.

Oh how wondrous I would feel if for I met god today. And here I went sat next to him he was thinking to speak I was thinking to speak but we both were calm as our nostalgic past and journey had taught nothing but we are who we are.

The girl was his granddaughter who often called me her boyfriend back then and here I was to look blankly at her. It was true that we fell in love more than anything but times change and I changed as it was same for her too but here I was looking and sitting beside a person who took me in when I stood alone, he embraced us and I cried and cried until tears of both went dry we were so good but we both weren't meant to be he said to us and I now look at his expression when he sees me to protect her more than myself and I felt weak what is my worth if I can't save you. It was all that our minds spoke as any other means couldn't convey that love and hope we shared. It felt weak today and I put my hand on his hand and he closed his eyes to never wake and to awaken the better me.

- Reva ( ponderering man)