When I switched paths from the main street to a small lane I started to look back in time perhaps on countless days and occasions I have walked on the road that has made my memory mixed up but still each memory was fixed and settled in my simple heart but yet it amazes me how much I have grown up.
Looking back now things may have been rough or bad but I was happy or at least somewhere cheerful that these trees and this wonderful road which though not smooth have been in my lonesome company for a really long while.
What I have seen is not enough and what I will see will be never enough. Countless days spent waiting for my friends and several days returning in lost despair I have not yet got courage to speak up to them when they close up.
Now I feel a discouraged and unhappy that I have to leave my place where I spent so much time right from birth to 18 year old me. Is it me or is it loneliness that afflicts me now that those days when I have always tried to make my way to leave the town not sleeping entire nights studying hard and fast to make a courier and life outside this town that loved me yet didn't accept me for who I am.
Now I got tipped on a small stone and stupid stone cussing my luck and balance while at the same time Disregarding all that with determination that I am here to take a leave from friends who confided their best and worst to me but didn't know my best and worst or perhaps they never shared it for all I may know but a bond of friendship is a strong thread and sometimes its unspoken words that exists which mean more than anything. To be honest I hate people who say love is only for a girl I think love is open to everyone, I mean a flower that allows you to smell her scent is as much saying she is loving you for it.
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My legs were a bit hurting but instead of taking a break I decided to be steady in an effort to evade the weak pain for evening can easily turn to a night in a matter of few moments. I am happy that is single emotion I can sort out right now being honest as I know me it's a bubble that will remain in me as long as this excitement and joy of meeting my friends remains in me yet there was dark and a constant sadness for my experience has taught me better.
I can predict I will cry at nights and will be sad and disappointed at that for leaving behind my friends whom I cared and loved them for a long time.
I will say this bubble is fueled by hope and desperation of affection but it shrank at this thought making me a bit a uneasy yet as I reached on the door and opened the cold steel door with a smile extinguishing the worse of thoughts with a effort to bring a happy spirit in me for meeting them.
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I slowed my steps to retain my calm and breathed for a few moments choking to clear my sore throat to not to cry making my eyes stubborn enough to hold back those tears while climbing the stairs to reach the crowd of my friends as I tumbled on the stairway while I listened to laughter and jokes being cracked on my clumsy ways yet as they helped me stand up. My mind felt like making an objection to flow of things questioning someone or something "if I had..." while I stood up bringing my mind together for cracking jokes and cursing them to make fun of them and shut their stupid jokes. But somewhere I asked myself hoping to create a question that was possible in reality to make things feel right "if I had my way if only it would have been ....." yet no answer came and something - somewhere ended in acceptance and resignation.
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so sorry for the delay I had been a bit busy in studies this book is near end but yet thanks for the support.
