Take my heart

Chapter XIX

He fucks up the piece he's working on when Caesar stomps inside his workroom with the subtlety of a tornado. It barely takes a look for Connor to grasp the boy's distress. He's trembling so hard it drives Connor restless in a matter of seconds. All his alarms start blaring in his mind, and he looks Caesar up and down to pick up on what's wrong.

"Are you busy?"

Stupid question. Connor's never busy if it comes to Caesar, for fuck's sake.

That is, until a light turns on in his head, shining upon a terrible realization. It's only confirmed when Caesar runs a hand through his head —tell-tale sign that he's nervous— and licks his lips —looking for the right words.

"I just- I wanna- I just wanna talk."

Connor is out of the chair in a heartbeat, scrambling for a way to stop him. Old texts, ones he hadn't paid that much attention to, come back to hit him like a train.

'Are you planning on telling him?'

'Maybe?'

His knees threaten to buckle under his weight.

"Um, actually," Connor starts, mouth dry. "Is it, uh, is it urgent?"

Caesar stops on his tracks, blinks at him, does a double-take of the situation.

"What? Uh... yes? I mean, no one's dying, I just need to..."

"Well if that's the case," says Connor in a rush. Panic sends his mind on a spiral. "Does it have to be now? Can't it wait?"

'Can't you wait?' is what he's trying to convey. Caesar has come to confess, he harbors no doubt about it, and it feels like the world will crumble under his feet once he does it. Yes, he did say he could fall in love with him, but damn it, it has only been two weeks. 'Can't you wait?' If they have this conversation now, it'll kill them. Breaking Caesar's heart will certainly be his end, and Caesar will just follow.

'I don't love you yet', it's what he doesn't want to say but needs to be understood.

"Sorry?"

"I mean, it's, um," he stammers. "Do we really have to talk about it now? I'm just kind of... in a hurry..."

When all emotion drains from Caesar's face, Connor knows he's completely and absolutely fucked. A meteor would be much less catastrophic right at this moment.

"Oh, I'm sorry, am I being an inconvenience? Should I make an appointment next time?"

He's not even swearing. Icy fingers press along Connor's spine and he backtracks instantly.

"Fuck, no, it's..."

He can't remember the last time Caesar's given him such a cold-hearted glare.

"Forget it."

With no more, Caesar turns on his heel and leaves the room in a rush. The bang of the door hitting its frame after him sends a violent shiver down Connor's body. His heart sinks to the floor, and a sudden wave of nausea doesn't let him go after his friend.

Three hours later, he foregoes lunch in favor of pacing around the room, still full with restless energy. When his phone rings, he scrambles to get it, but it's not Caesar finally calling him back.

"Can I talk to my brother?" says Ash without so much as a hello.

"Huh?"

"My brother, asshat. He's there, right? He won't answer the phone, and sure, don't blame him, but I still feel the obligation to make sure he's alive. You know how he gets after an argument with mom and dad."