Holding His Ale

Chapter Nine

Joker sighed, staring at himself in the mirror with curiosity. He slung his purple jacket on over his arms, taking a comb out of one of the pockets to groom the non-existent knots out of his viridian locks. He suddenly sniffed around him.

"Harley! Where did you put my cologne?!" he yelled towards the door, shutting his trap straight afterwards as soon as he realized why he wasn't getting an answer.

"Oh yeah... right." he said to himself quietly. "She ain't here."

'You don't need her,' his favourite voice came, the little hallucination of himself emerging to dance on his left shoulder, as he looked back into the mirror. 'You'll have way more fun tonight!'

Joker put his comb back in its rightful pocket and looked at his reflection, and the mini-version of himself, a sad look upon his features.

"And what about the – "

'The video?' The voice paused and then let out a famous Joker laugh, his tiny arms holding his sides. 'All the more reason to shoot up a bar, right?! And the Harley dumping you thing? That can be solved easily.'

"How?" Joker asked, depressed. Suddenly he felt stupid - he knew he was terrible when it came to relationships. Unless they were business-type relationships or ... whatever Batman was to him. He couldn't quite work out what their connection was... arch nemeses? Long lost twins?

'Don't go off subject! You know what I'm talking about!'

For once, Joker looked confusedly at the miniature him. He awaited an answer but his hallucination said nothing more on Harley.

'Now get your purple butt outta here and win that bet!'

Harvey was already waiting in the alleyway in which they settled on meeting at, close by to their first nightclub.

He could see Joker's head henchman driving a (probably hijacked) car towards him. Harvey sighed, shaking his head as he looked at his watch, "Damn Clown, he's never on time..."

The silvery car pulled up next to him, Joker immediately jumping out from the backseat. Before greeting Harv, he knocked on the driver window, fishing a wad of cash from his jacket and muttering something incoherent to his henchman, before giggling and waving him off.

"Joker," Harvey said, alerting him of his presence.

The Clown Prince turned, smiling.

"Harv," he greeted mockingly with a nod.

"Where's Harley?"

Joker for once, was taken aback.

What to say? She's at home - not plausible, she went everywhere with him. She's with Ivy - nope. She dumped him - well yes, but perhaps with a little tweak he could play the truth in his favour.

"Oh, Harley?" he replied innocently, lifting up his hand to his face in order to examine his nails. "Oh yeahhh, I remember her. I dumped her last night."

Two-Face frowned at him, "Well I can see why after that video."

"Yeah, I hate it when dames scrap over guys." he lied, shaking his head, trying to hold back a laugh as Two-Face looked away from him.

"Well good job I picked this place we're headin' to then," Harvey chuckled, waving for Joker to follow him as he started to walk through the alleyway.

"Ooh, why?"

"Well... there are plenty of dames, let's put it that way J."

The two criminals headed towards a seedy looking place. Outside, the red neon lights were illuminated, lighting the whole of the street.

Joker laughed. He found it ironic. Men went to this club frequently, and regarded their visits as private and secret - yet the whole place was lit up like a Christmas tree – one that was on fire.

On entering, the two of them were allowed in immediately. Apparently they were VIP's.

Inside it was just like the stripper club's that had featured in many crime dramas (Joker liked watching them, he took them to be comedies with tragic endings – the part where the cops win); red lights lit up the side of walls as men sat around tables playing poker or drinking, women in tight black clothing (more like underwear) eyeing up the men as they passed.

Two-Face wolf whistled over the raucous blend of voices and dance music, signalling one woman to strut over to the criminals.

"Hey there Sugar," she said, putting a hand on Harv's shoulder as she fluttered her thick, fake lashes at him. "D'ya need another favour."

"Yeah." Harv replied, chuckling deeply. "It's my old man over here."

He gestured to Joker, who was glaring at him and lighting a cigar that he propped between his lips.

"Excuse me? Who you callin' old, Smokey! That fire must've aged your skin way more than mine! Hey Dollface, come over here and feel how smooth this face is."

The woman shifted uncomfortably, green eyes widening.

"It's ok babe. He does that." Two-Face comforted, winking. "Now, I want you to give him the best damned night of his life. Give 'im plenty of spirits and your best women."

The woman forced a smile, "Of course. If you'd like to come this way Mr – er?"

Joker raised a brow and puffed a cloud of smoke into her dolled-up face, causing her to cough uncontrollably.

"Mr Bond."

Two-Face glared at him, "Hey J, what's with the name?!"

"What? That's what guys do when they come here isn't it? Give a false I.D so their dames don't find out!"

"Yeah but - how come you get to choose Bond?!"

"First thing I happened to have thought of. Now please Caterpillar Eyebrows, lead on. I've got a plane to cra - catch."

The lady's lip wobbled at the insult.

"What?!" Two-Face yelled. "You're getting a plane? Don't think you're flying outta here when this is finished!"

"The plane's not for me," Joker muttered, grinning widely. "It's for you Mr Dent."

He linked arms with the woman, "Now c'mon Caterpillar, where are these 'spirit ladies'?"