Holding His Ale

Chapter Five

"Mr J..." Harley whispered, pressing the button on their novelty pop up alarm clock to stop it from buzzing. "Mr J..."

Joker grumbled and rolled over to face her, eyes firmly shut.

"Mr J..."

"Shuh uh Arleh..." he replied, his voice muffled.

Harley smiled, climbing across the covers to settle herself on top of him. She got a groggy growl in reply of her actions and he began to roll over. She didn't budge which halted his movement and he suddenly sat up, batting her arms and shoving her off of him.

She gave him a pained look as she backed away, turning her head. When she looked back he was back to snoring again.

She suddenly smiled, and leaned over him quietly, hovering her lips over his neck which was a weak spot of his.

He growled, and rushed up out of his sleep, eyes latched open. "Don't you dare try doing that again! You know what that does to me!" he yelled, swiveling himself out of the covers and sitting on the side of the bed. "What time is it?"

"It's ten."

"Ten?! How could you have let me sleep in Harley! I'll be late for Ba - "

He paused, noticing her looking at him quizzically, without her usual makeup or costume on, making him feel like an even bigger fool.

"Oh never mind," he muttered, prising himself up and heading to the bathroom that was joined on to their bedroom. "I'm getting a shower. And don't decide you need one just as I'm about to step in, kay?"

She nodded but gave him a playful wink. He didn't acknowledge her and continued with his path to the bathroom.

Joker emerged from the bathroom fifteen minutes later, white towel wrapped around his waist and dark green hair sodden. Harley had cleared off somewhere, probably to make breakfast.

As he walked over to his wardrobe, trying to decide what identical suit of his he was going to wear today, he jumped as he felt little arms linking around his bare waist.

"Wha - Harley! Since when have you been a little sneak?!" he snapped, clearly trying to shake off the fact she'd made him jump. She giggled when she realized he wasn't pushing her off anytime soon.

"Think ya could keep on the towel instead of the suit for a bit Mr J?" Harley whispered, hugging him tightly. He sighed. She was usually just as hyperactive on a morning, but this time he could tell she also had a alternative motive.

"Where do you want me to take you Harl?"

"What makes you think that I wanna go anywhere?"

He spun, gripping her hands to push them away from his so he could turn fully. Her stomach almost flipped from the excitement, but only fear made it onto her face.

"Oh you do, you little minx!" Joker exclaimed suddenly dropping his exasperation by plastering a murderous teeth-clenching grin on his face. "I can tell by the way that you're dressed, and the fact that your handbag's ready on the bed."

"Oh Puddin' you're so clever!" she squealed happily, kissing his chin (he'd moved his head upwards so she couldn't reach his lips).

"Plus, I heard you on the phone to Pam a few minutes ago, saying that you're little trip into town is cancelled because of me!" he laughed and she blinked.

"W-Wait? You heard my conversation in the kitchen all the way from the bathroom?!"

"Of course Pumpkin! What else would I have stolen my new shower radio for?" He cackled, putting a hand on his side like he'd told the funniest joke in the world and Harley just wore a little smile, but her eyes showed preoccupation.

"S-So how much did you hear?" she asked, cutting off his laughter.

"Oh... bits and pieces that I thought to be useful. Mainly the part where the Plant started insulting you... that was just hilarious!"

"T-That was it?"

"Oh, and the bit where you said we were going shop - "

Joker paused, realization hitting him. He frowned.

"We are not going shopping Harley!"

"Please Puddin'!" she begged, linking her arms around his neck so he couldn't move away from her. "Please! I only wanna buy - "

"I usually tune out after you say 'I only wanna', and today is no exception toots. So get the hell offa me so I can get changed, now!" he interrupted, expecting her to do as she was told. She didn't.

"But Mr J, I wanted us to go get some supplies for our sleepover tonight," she purred, kissing his neck which he'd left unguarded and suddenly he almost seemed intoxicated. "Maybe we could get some of those spicy potato chips you like, with a nice hot salsa to go with 'em ..."

He was silent for a moment then a wicked smile crept up onto his red lips.

"Ooh, you devil!" he exclaimed, bringing her closer to him. "What else Doll Face?"

"And bubble gum flavored ice cream - "

He hummed in reply, taking hold of both her legs to put one each side of him, picking her up.

"And... sweet and savoury popcorn..."

He kissed her jaw as he walked them both over to the bed, where he laid her down, pushing his damp floppy hair out of his eyes.

"What else?" he whispered with a smirk, climbing on all fours over her.

"Marshmallows. Lots and lotsa marshmallows." Harley droned, fixated on his emerald eyes as they burned into her own sky blue ones. He let out a chuckle and kissed her lips and she returned him feverishly until he pulled away, pushing her back down when she tried to catch his mouth again.

"Anything else?"

"Oh... I could... " She paused, rolling her eyes back as she thought of something else. "I could cook a pizza!"

He suddenly grabbed her by the shoulder and flung her off the bed, laughing hysterically as she landed on the floor with a yell.

His face dropped.

"Harley, that's a terrible joke." he said in a serious tone, the laughter wiped clean off his face. "Promise me that you'll never tell me a joke ever again!"

"I-It wasn't a joke - "

"Go make breakfast. We'll eat and get your goddamn slumber party supplies. But we're only shoplifting the stuff that I want. Got it?"

She gulped and nodded frantically. "G-Got it."