Holding His Ale

Chapter Eight

When Harley awoke the next morning, Joker was already awake, which was rather unusual behaviour, even for him.

He had the TV blaring out, at its usual over the top volume as he sat in his vest and boxers, angrily munching on his bowl of candy cereal. His face had a ghostly glow from the flicker of the screen since it was the only source of light in the Fun House.

Harley crept (in an attempt to be discreet) behind his armchair, which had now been put back in its rightful place (by Joker probably).

"How could they do this Harley?!"

Her stealth had been in vain, of course she'd be caught by him. She was stupid to think he wouldn't have noticed her niggling presence.

She skipped around the Clown Prince's throne in her airy nightdress, sitting on the arm with a look of concern. "Who did what Mr J?" she asked innocently, and he growled in response, pointing a claw-like finger towards the TV screen. She followed the direction of his gesture, frowning in confusion.

"Mr J, that's just Bats and Clayface - "

"Keep watching!"

Harley did as he instructed, watching the various images from the report flash over the screen. At first it seemingly was a standard "Batman busts another spawn of evil from spreading chaos" kind of report, which often were reported on breakfast news. That was, until it started to get into further detail.

"Batman tracked down Clayface's whereabouts to an old rundown warehouse that was converted into a hideout for Gotham's most notorious criminals, the Joker and Harley Quinn. The location of this lair is still undisclosed information."

"What? When did we invite Clayface?" Harley wondered, looking confusedly at Joker. He rolled his eyes like she was unintelligent.

"We didn't!" he yelled, chucking his spoon at her forehead, jump starting her. "He was one of those stupid girls that your catty friends dragged along! I knew one of those skinny girls were too strong! I should've known!"

"Why are you so angry? He didn't really - "

"Shut up and stop asking questions Harley." he stated in a snappy tone, clutching his empty bowl as he stood up. She did as he asked.

Suddenly a piece of video footage began playing on the TV screen, the familiar voices emitting from the speakers catching her attention.

The screen showed an amateur camera (probably from a phone), filming the backs of a group of women - she was startled when she noticed that she was actually in the video herself. Half of her face was just about visible in the left hand corner, she looked like she was sleeping...

"What the hell is on my face?!" the familiar voice of her Puddin' came, as the camera zoomed in between two of the women. The picture was slightly blurred but it was obvious that it was Joker, from the hair, suit and voice.

"Close your eyes." a woman's voice said, as the camera zoomed in close to a slightly pixelated Joker face. The skin was an usual colour, like a really tanned skin colour rather than his usual pearly white.

It was apparent that arms were holding him down, and a muffled pop song and giggling could be heard in the background...

This was... humiliation.

"Harley! Harley! Get the hell up now! Daddy needs some help!"

Harley's lip began to tremble as she watched the girls laugh at him, the camera shook, clearly the camera holder was giggling too. Suddenly she could see herself storm through the group of women, shoving them apart.

"What are you doin'?! Getcha hands offa my clown!"

Before the video ended completely, Joker hurtled his china bowl into the TV screen and they both smashed instantly.

He snarled with anger as he paced about. "Clayface! That piece of morphing trash! Damn him! He filmed it all! How the hell am I supposed to go out and hit the town tonight, without torrents of citizens thinking I've gone soft over some... sleazy makeover?!"

"Mr J, maybe you could just stay in tonight - "

An icy silence came over them both as he turned swiftly to burn his green eyes into her skull.

"Harley, you useless brat! I have to do this! I can't have Harvey think I've been rattled by some dumb video Clayface gave the GCPD, for a less harsh sentence!" he snapped, massaging his temples like he had an aggravating headache. "This is your fault. If you hadn't have had to have a damned slumber party - "

"You know what Mr J, you weren't even meant to be here! So I don't see how I'm to blame! I had all this set up before you even decided on turnin' up -"

Joker stared at her, gawping like a fish - shocked from her response and the anger that swam in her eyes.

"Excuse me? Are you saying that I'm the one at fault here?!"

"Fine! Be like that you childish egotistical worthless clown!" Harley shouted, eyes filling with tears, as she stormed off towards their bedroom. "Go out and get yourself drunk and end up dead in the gutter for all I care! Get a new dame! I'm not comin' back!"

Joker growled, attempting to lift his armchair from its legs at the bottom, in an attempt to throw it in annoyance, but clearly it was too heavy and he settled for just kicking it with his foot instead.

It was silent. Harley had clearly gone to pack her bags.

"You'll be back!" he suddenly spat loudly, so that she could hear him from the bedroom. "You always come back! Because you're so dumb and useless!"

"Pasty faced creep!" she called back, and he heard a far away smash. He sighed heavily, turning back to his armchair - his only real constant friend.

He sat down forcefully, closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath.

Joker had been humiliated, thwarted and dumped in the same day.

Trust the day that mattered to him the most, to be his unluckiest day of the year.