Holding His Ale

Chapter One

One summer night in Gotham City, the sky was thick with its usual black clouds that loomed over the skyscrapers like some sort of curse. It looked more like autumn than summer, with its leafless trees and stunted blades of grass, even though it was only mid June. Darkness clung to every object, making every corner and secluded spot appear more threatening.

The Ice Berg Lounge was amid this gloom, despite being lit up like a light bulb which made the place stick out like a sore thumb.

Inside, it was pretty desolate, as it usually was on a Thursday night.

Apart from the main bar, in which two of Gotham's most wanted, sat on stools as they slowly sipped at their drinks, looking depressingly down into the bottom of their glasses.

"We almost had him!" Two-Face cursed, smacking his fist on the counter, making their glasses clink.

"I know..." Joker muttered, leaning his elbow on the table so that his chin could be supported by his palm.

"I mean... he was on the edge of death! Did you see the Bat wheezin' and coughin' when I stunned him with that smoke bomb I found?!"

"Yes. I know." Joker replied emptily, looking disappointedly into his glass again.

"Hell! If his ass-kisser side-kick hadn't shown up we'd have killed h- "

"I know!" Joker growled, suddenly standing up and giving the man a shove off his stool. "Now will you shut up and let me have some quiet time you half fried potato!"

Two-Face narrowed his eyes and sat back on his stool, "Fine."

The Clown Prince did the same, facing wearily ahead and not giving his ally a single scrap of his attention; neither of them said a word. Joker would occasionally sip his drink, or sigh, then check the bar's clock in case it was closing time - not that it mattered, even if he was thrown out of the bar, he'd still feel just as bored when he went back to the hideout... then he'd feel more pathetic when Harley would latch onto him and coo him, until he gave in to her... not that anyone knew he truly did have a soft spot for the kid...

"What you need is a break." his previously silent ally interrupted, placing a firm, singed hand on the pale man's shoulder.

"What?"

"A day off! Or night off... You know. One night without any schemes, bats or asylums." Two-Face pitched, finishing his whisky with a long gulp.

"I dunno Harv, what the hell would I do?" he asked in monotone, seemingly uninterested in the idea.

"Just do whatever the hell you want! Y'know, do whatever you do normally to relax or have a good time."

"A good time? I was having one this evening until Boy Blunder showed his sorry ass!" Joker snapped, burying his head in a cage of arms.

"Okay ... What about to relax? Bats don't make you relaxed does he ..."

"Ha! No, obviously not..."

"So come on, what do you do to relax?"

"What do you do?!"

"I asked first."

"Well, I'm a better bad guy than you."

"What?! Yeah right."

Joker kicked Harvey's leg without lifting his head out from his arms, and his ally let out a yell. "Damn it! Fine! I'll answer the damn question!" he grumbled, eyeing Joker now. "When I'm not busting open bank safe's I'm usually in here on weeknights, but on weekends..." Harvey whistled and let out a hoarse laugh. "I'm hittin' the city's clubs. Pam sometimes comes along but I don't stick with her, she's a bitch when it comes to strippers and cocktails. It's the lemon and lime thing... with the cocktails I mean."

"You go clubbing?!" Joker exclaimed in surprise, lifting his head up and sitting upright. "You?!" He laughed amusedly, then took another sip of his half full glass. "And what do the ladies think of the Mr Crusty side of you, eh?" He let out a cackle, and Harvey let out a growl.

"Oh yeah? Then how come whenever we meet up in here, you're always drinkin' water or soda- I ain't ever seen you touch alcohol! Ever!"

Joker was silent.

"It... doesn't appeal to me Harv... and I never want to be in the 'In-Crowd' - I thought you'd know that by now..."

"Have you ever been to any of the nightclubs in Gotham, Joker?" Harvey asked solemnly, glancing at the half glass of water in Joker's hand venomously.

"Sure I have!"

Harvey smiled, "Try me."

"Um..."

"I'm all ears."

"That should be 'ear' Harv... one of 'em's burnt..."

"You don't know the names of any of 'em, do ya?!"

"Sure I do - Erm... there's that one I imagine you always visit Harv, it's got... pink flashing lights - and men... or women (I can't tell the difference!) stood outside the doors... Y'know if I was saner, I'd go as far as to say that the joint's a gay club."

"I've had enough of this Joker! I know the real reason you never come out clubbin'. And it's none of this avoiding the 'In-Crowd' crap!" Harvey snarled, eyes narrowing and blazing at the clown who was finishing the remainder of his water, smugly. "It's because you can't hold your ale."

"What?!" Joker snapped overly loudly, making all of the very few who were present in the bar, turn their heads to watch him in concern. "Are you serious?! Get back to Arkham you half frazzled potato chip!"

"Naa," Harvey brushed off, returning to a calm state. "I bet you never come clubbin' because you're afraid of havin' a real good time..."

"I'm not afraid!"

"Fine. Prove it to me this weekend."

Joker fell silent and looked away from him, wearing an unreadable emotion.

"This weekend? Gee, I don't know about that Harv, this was the one weekend where I promised Harl I would - "

"You never reserve a place for Harley in your schedule! You're coming with me even if you have to cancel your date with Bats for one damn night!"

Joker sighed and rested his chin in his palm, one hand's fingers drumming the counter like it was the rhythm of his thoughts. "Fine, fine. I'll do it Harv."

Two-Face smiled and gave him a proud pat on the back.

"But you're buying."