Sweetheart {M/M}

chapter seven

The days dragged exceptionally slow and monotonously. Every morning Takashi woke up, prepared himself a coffee and had it on the couch while smoking. He had a shower, got ready and went to work. It would be great to indulge into his work if the invisible and visible presence of Hideaki did not always haunt him. The president of the company and his ex-lover did not avoid him as before but made no attempt to speak to Takashi if it was not work related. A week after their official break-up Hideaki threw himself head to toes into work. Takashi heard the rumours that Hideaki asked his secretary to rearrange his schedule and book his business trips back-to-back. Takashi sipped his coffee and s apathetically scrolled down the messages in his phone. All the new messages were from Shin. Takashi smiled lightly, but there was no joy in his smile.

He threw the phone on the couch and closed his eyes. The coffee was bitter, and that bitterness matched his mood perfectly. No matter how many times he told himself that he was not angry with Hideaki, it was a lie. A big lie. Takashi was furious. When they started going out, he never hid from Hideaki that he liked sex and he was not limited to only one partner. Nevertheless, Hideaki agreed to be with him, to go out with him, make love to him. What was the problem now? Why did he suddenly break it off? Takashi felt frustrated. What angered him the most, was that Hideaki would not even explain himself.

He ran his fingers through his messy hair. The day that Hideaki broke up with him he agreed to go out with Shin. Only one week later and Takashi was already wondering if he made a terrible mistake. Shin was a wonderful person and a great lover, but every time they made love Takashi felt that something was missing. He felt incomplete and not satisfied; it was driving him crazy. He wondered if it was time to visit the good old "Neon Lights".

***

The bar greeted him with loud music and warm air. He walked to the bar counter and sat down. "Long time no see, Hideaki," Ryuu was the bartender and the owner of the bar. Their friendship extended all the way back to high school. "The usual?"

"No, whiskey on the rocks," Hideaki replied wearily. "Wait...make that double,"

Ryuu poured the drink and swiftly placed it in front of his friend.

"You look rough man," he commented. Hideaki did not reply as he sipped his drink. Ryuu waved at one of his employees to replace him at the bar and joined Hideaki. Ryuu stared at the man in front of him noticing how exhausted and aged he looked.

"Saw your butterfly at the bar the other day." He said nonchalantly.

Hideaki tensed. "He left the bar with some douche," Ryuu continued, completely ignoring the signs that Hideaki did not want to talk about it.

"We are not together anymore. I don't care what he does," Hideaki responded sharper than he intended.

"Uh-huh," Ryuu nodded. Hideaki placed the glass on the bar causing some of the golden liquid to splash out.

"What do you want to hear from me Ryuu?" he asked tiredly.

Ryuu shrugged. "I warned you about him from the beginning, but you insisted going out with him. Takashi Saikawa has slept with more men than an experienced hooker."

"There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex," Hideaki did not know why he was defending his ex, but Ryuu's words bothered him.

"Absolutely, but not when you already have a lover."

"He did tell me from the beginning that..."

"Yes, yes...I know. How kind of him," Ryuu spat bitterly. Hideaki always knew that Ryuu did not like Takashi, but he never understood why. Takashi was not a bad person, he just liked to play around. *What the hell am I thinking?* Hideaki shook his head trying to get rid of the ridiculous thoughts.

"Well, now it doesn't matter, we are no longer together," Hideaki tried to finish this topic but Ryuu was not giving up.

"And you seem to be the only one who cares about that. Look at yourself. You are working yourself into an early grave, the bags under your eyes are bigger than pandas', you are exhausted. When was the last time you've slept properly?"

Hideaki did not reply. Of course, Ryuu was right and he knew it, but he could not control how he felt. And he sure as hell could not control his sleeping pattern, even the sleeping pills were no longer helping. The only time Hideaki could catch some sleep, was when Takashi was sleeping beside him.

"This conversation is over," Hideaki said, finally glancing into Ryuu's eyes. Ryuu grimaced and shrugged.

"Whatever you say, man. Just know that I'm always here for you."

He patted Hideaki's back and got back to work.

***

The sex was awful. One of the worst ones he had ever had in his lifetime. He made the shower water hotter, trying to wash any signs of sex from his body. He felt filthy and dirty. The guy who was still sleeping on the bed in the other room talked a good deal, but when they got down to it, he was a complete amateur. The continuously sloppy kisses and the saliva on his neck made Takashi shudder and scrub harder. He used to be able to pick out his lovers so well, then what did just happen? Why was he no longer enjoying the sex? Was he becoming asexual?

Takashi groaned. *When was the last time I had mind blowing sex?*

Takashi's expression darkened. He knew exactly when it was. On Hideaki's desk the day he broke up with Takashi. Takashi bit his lip recalling what they have done. He closed his eyes and instinctively reached down. He cupped his balls and squeezed them. This is how Hideaki used to do it. His fingers slid to the manhood and pumped it up down. Takashi's eyes were closed as he palmed his manhood up and down thinking about Hideaki's hands on his body. Before the climax washed over him, he slipped two fingers inside. Takashi moaned and released his frustration.

He stood in the shower panting heavily, while water washed down the remainder of his sanity.