Illusion Shift

~ 19 ~

20:12

October 31st, Saturday

｡ₓ ू ₒ ु 　Police Hat　 ू ₒ ु ₓ

That was completely on me. 

Why did I just lash out like that? He was being completely civil with me and that literally just pissed me off even more. He didn't provoke me, he didn't do anything. What's my issue?

I've been able to just ignore it for so long, why today? 

It's Halloween. 

Horrible Halloween. 

Horrible idea, Horrible Halloween, Horrible Police Hat.

Maybe I should just lay here forever. The ground could eat me up and I literally wouldn't care.

I run my arms over the soft grass, like I was making a snow angel, just without the legs.

I wish I could just stay here forever. Just me, the ground, and the flowers.

This place was my favorite. I knew a bunch of fields, but this one especially was just.... the greatest. 

I named it Goldfinch. Since the flowers here are mostly all yellow. Just a huge field of yellow. It always cheered me up a little bit.

It was far away enough so that I couldn't hear things from outside, but not too far away where I would constantly worry about nobody hearing me if someone tried to kill me.

So maybe I did have irrational fears.

I zone out, staring at the sky. It was a little chilly but I didn't mind so much.

I raise an arm, reaching for the moon. 

"Hi."

I sit up immediately, quickly finding the source of the voice. 

Oreo.

"It's you," I say. I couldn't find it in myself to react any other way. Goldfinch had its effect on me. Immediately calmed me down.

"Yeah," he says, wringing his hands.

"Could I sit?"

I nod, words stuck in my throat.

He sits down next to me, hugging his knees.

We sit, watching the field and the sky, unmoving.

"How'd you find me?" I ask him, avoiding looking at him.

"'Whenever you're looking for me, look in Goldfinch first'," he quotes me. "Remember?"

"Of course I do," I laugh breathily, before peering at him. "You didn't forget?"

"How could I?" he responds, gently running his hands through the flowers.

We're silent again.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out. "You didn't even.. I don't know. You didn't even provoke me or anything. That was. So uncalled for," I tell him, putting my face in my hands.

"No, bro. Man, I'm sorry. I don't know why I avoided this for so long. I was a shitty friend. I am a shitty friend. Just cause I was doing dumb shit in 6th grade... I mean, I didn't have to just? You know. Ditch you, I guess," he tells me.

"But I could have talked to you. I did assume things. You were right. I could have easily just... asked you first. Had a conversation. Then maybe this wouldn't have happened," I tell him, picking at the grass.