.weighted. ; lashton

eight

"so i'm guessing you used the scale.." he said as he finally pulled away from me.

"yeah," i muttered. "but it was the first time!"

"yeah, i knew that was a mistake," ashton shook his head as he picked the thing up and carried it out of the room.

"you're keeping it though?"

"well, yeah, i still need to weigh myself." i shuddered at that but realized i could just buy another one with my money. he didn't need to know either.

"luke?"

i looked up from the floor to meet his eyes but my facial expression didn't change, "huh?"

"what- is the internalized elevator music getting to you?" he giggled, which lightened my mood and facial expression.

"yeah, sorry, but what did you want?"

"oh yeah. i was just gonna remind you that, you know. you're perfect the way you are, you don't have to change if you don't want to, do what makes you happy. happy and healthy. those rude things joshua called you aren't true at all. you look great and you always will to me," his eyes fluttered around and i felt my heart being tugged on by an imaginary hand.

"thank you, ash," a small, small genuine smile appeared on my face and i felt accepted for the first time in forever.

"of course. please, please, please don't obsess over your weight, okay? i hate to see you like this, i don't want you to think in those ways...like, you know, in the same way someone that purges their food does. if you want to lose weight, okay, you don't have to but if you want to, do it in a healthy way. over exercising, starving, purging, all out of the question. i care about you and you'll definitely thank me later for guiding you away from your desires, okay? trust me."

wow, i never knew ashton could be so deep and heartfelt.

"thank you for caring about me, it means a lot," i wrapped my arms around him this time and surrounded his significantly smaller frame in a hug. i didn't realize what i was doing until a few seconds later, i quickly let go of him and sighed, "sorry." my arms were now wrapped around myself and i felt sick. again.

ashton seemed confused by this and asked why i was sorry. i simply told him i was sorry he had to 'feel that'. the curly haired boy was still confused but i shrugged, "it's nothing, forget it." to this, he nodded hesitantly.

~~~

i sat up in the bed, restless. beside me lay the human embodiment of the sun who we all know as ashton. he was fast asleep. such a pretty boy, especially when he slept.

my stomach grumbled and i finally returned to reality and remembered my situation. fuck. i looked over to check the time, it was five in the morning. i'd normally be awake at this time, eating. well, if i was with joshua, of course. it's apparently bad to eat at early times. i don't know where i read that but i believe it.

i decided to slip downstairs and make it look like i had eaten something for breakfast before ashton woke up. you have to start somewhere, right?

as i got up though, i felt someone tugging on my wrist. "where are you going?" ashton asked groggily.

his eyes were still closed, he was so so pretty. "gonna go eat."

"oh, okay, i'll be up in about twenty minutes..." he mumbled, rolling over and letting go of me.

i nodded even though he couldn't see me, sprinting out of the room and to the kitchen.

i took some eggs from the fridge, cracking them and throwing the yolks into the trash, then put something else on top of them, then the shells. i grabbed a paper plate, folding it in half and then throwing it away too. i felt bad for wasting ashton's eggs but i had to do it. i finished the job by grabbing a pan and 'cleaning' it so he'd buy it.

but while i was 'cleaning' it, ashton came down and looked at me, confused. "what are you doing?"

"cl-cleaning the dishes," i said lowly. i started to panic, hoping he didn't notice everything i didn't do to make it look like i had eaten.

"you've eaten already?" i nodded, gulping slightly. "are you sure?"

"yeah, i wouldn't lie, right?"

"you tell me."

"i wouldn't. i ate."

"what did you eat?"

"eggs," i said, pointing to the trash bin.

ashton nodded, but he looked concerned. "what's that bleeding through the plate-" he mumbled, inching toward it.

"hey!" i said, grabbing mr.
sunshine and pulling him close to me, connecting our lips. he's surprised by this but clearly doesn't mind it saying as though he ran his tongue over my lower lip and grabbed onto my sides roughly almost immediately.

i pulled away and smirked, "sorry, my bad." that definitely distracted him from the trash but only for a few minutes.

i was laying down on the couch when i heard a frustrated sigh from the kitchen. if i was a dog, my ears would definitely be down. i was ashamed but i wouldn't ask what he was sighing about. i knew what it was.

"luke."

"yeah?"

"so you ate, huh?" he said in an almost..passive aggressive way? i looked over at him, he was standing by the trash bin with a scowl on his face.

"uh yeah," i muttered, wondering if i could still save this.

"i'm gonna beat your ass, i paid my hard-earned money for those eggs," ashton yelled, sprinting into the room and throwing himself onto me.

i felt the playful punches crash into my sides and i giggled quietly, "sto-sto-stop, ash!" my sides started to cramp up from laughing too hard.

after a few more punches were thrown, he pulled himself off of me and sat both of us up straight. "why would you lie about eating?"

"i didn't want to eat, i wanna starve." it was the truth.

"nonono, you have to eat."

"but, hey. here's the thing, you can't make me eat anything so i could starve myself if i fucking wanted to. you can't force me to do anything."

"oh please don't talk like that," his voice was unsteady, "cause that scares me."

i shrugged. "you can't make me, you just can't."

"luke," ashton mumbled before sighing in defeat. "you're right, i can't but i'd like it if you'd try to do this the right way."

i simply shook my head. "not today."

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