The Snowblower Bandit And Other Stories

Little Spoon

As my relationship progressed with my new girlfriend, I got some gentle teasing from my online friends due to my lack of experience. Holding hands was new to me for crying out loud! Most of my Twitter friends were older, in relationships, and several wrote erotica. Being completely innocent, I was very much an outlier. So, once in a while I would play up some new experience I had for their amusement.  Here's one example.

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I have a bone to pick with all the romance/erotica authors out there. Not just those I have befriended lately, but I will even scold the elders of the genres as they lie in their graves.

For eighteen years I have studied romance, love, and physical intimacy through the eyes of fictional characters in both prose and poetry. I have delved into the fantasies of authors for years as they wrote about lesbian teens, adults, spirits, psychics, monsters, and mages. Lacking personal experience, I relied on those who had it and the ability to communicate it to an audience to prepare me for my own journey into adult relationships.

I have read about techniques, feelings, breakups, hookups, bondage, rose petals, silk, leather, lace, dominance, subordination, sex in backseats, sex in master bedrooms, sex in dungeons and forest glades. I have read about nearly every way for two girls to exchange pleasure and bodily fluids imaginable.

Don't get me wrong, I learned a lot! I regret nothing in my education. But how could all of you, every single one, be remiss enough to not describe one very simple act?

I was so unprepared for it when it happened, I actually cried. Softly, mind you. I'm sure my girlfriend didn't even notice, but there were tears on my cheeks.

I knew about it, of course. It is glossed over in countless works of fiction. It's even portrayed on prime time TV! But never, not once, did someone even try to get me ready for my first actual experience of it. For goodness sake, a life-long vegan would have a better idea of what it's like to experience chocolate from the reactions they saw on various media!

I swear by the love gods and goddesses of every pantheon real or imagined, I shall try someday to remedy this lack of educational opportunity for young lovers as soon as I have the skill to describe what I was introduced to last night when I was overwhelmed by the soul-warming experience, the sheer euphoric joy, the passage over the waterfall of utopia to dive into nirvana, the swell of emotions I could and did experience the first time I got into bed with my girlfriend and...

...was the little spoon.