The Snowblower Bandit And Other Stories

Have A Blessed Day

This story starts almost two years ago, but perhaps starting a little before that would be a helpful reminder.

Remember When Justice Kavanaugh got confirmed in October 2018, and the rapist sympathisers and apologists were everywhere because of some of the stories that came out? I was a senior in high school at the time. Oh, the arguments!

Fast forward to my first fall at college. I was in the local YMCA and enjoying a post-workout sauna. The sauna is, at least where I live and during the times I'm in the gym (the earliest they open), predominantly the territory of elderly males. Here in Wisconsin, that means conservative white guys. They're the type that says things like, "I don't know how Biden won. I don't know anyone that voted for him. Had to be fraud."

One particular morning I was enjoying the sauna, and only one other guy was in there. Yes, he was old and conservative. We were having a more or less congenial conversation, though. Then, another guy steps up to the door and starts conversing with the guy in the sauna. I'm not sure if he knew I was there, since I was kind of tucked in the corner.

I recognized him. He always wears a necklace demonstrating his loyalty to one Catholic saint or another, and says, "Have a blessed day," instead of, "Goodbye." He wanted to talk about what was in the news with his buddy. They were discussing the Kavannaugh allegations, and recounted the story of a woman who had been assaulted by multiple guys at the very frat house Kavannaugh had partied at (he was not named as one of the attackers in this case).

Things crossing the line of disgusting started coming from Blessed's mouth. The man in the sauna with me kind of glanced at me and looked uncomfortable. Finally, I heard him say, "I figure she must have liked the first one if she stuck around for four more."

I burst out of the sauna, shoving him back with the door as it flew open. I don't remember much of what came out of my mouth, but I remember using words that even some of my closest friends have never heard me use. "How would you react if your daughter said she'd been raped by five guys, you fat old piece of blanking blank?!"

I went on for minutes, screaming at this dude. I could see in his face a mix of horror and self-righteous offense at being challenged so loudly and publicly as people were starting to pass by and gawk. He might have been saying something back to me. I don't remember. I had no endgame, no idea of what resolution looked like, so I just kept yelling at him and jabbing his chest through his white t-shirt with my finger as he backed down the hall.

Finally, Jimmy showed up. He's one of the early morning workers, and he is the friendliest man you can imagine. He's married with kids, but so extremely feminine that he comes off as the cliched stereotype of a gay man from a 1980's movie. Imagine a bouncing walk, slightly nasal voice, and expressions such as, "Oh my gosh, it's simply precious," whenever he sees a small dog.

Jimmy rounded the corner and said sternly, "What is going on here? This is a family establishment!" I assume he was referring to my language.

I yelled an explanation of how Blessed Day guy was cracking jokes about girls being raped, and there was no way in blank I was going to put up with it.

Jimmy looked at Blessed Day and asked in the quiet, but stern, tone parents use on kids. "Is this true?"

The small crowd turned to await his answer.

Blessed Day stammered, but never made it past individual vowel noises.

Jimmy said quietly, "It's a beautiful day. Perhaps you would find a brisk walk outside a better choice of workout today, where you'll have fewer distractions to think about things that have transpired."

He looked defeated as he picked up the gym bag he put down earlier and walked away.

I reentered the sauna still on an adrenaline high, threw myself on the top bench, and crossed my arms. Blessed Day's friend looked straight ahead like his life depended on him looking at the wall in front of him, and left as soon as the small group outside the sauna dispersed.

Fast forward to today. I've started going to the gym again since the pandemic seems to be winding down and my social circle is all vaccinated. CeeCee even comes with me a couple days a week.

This morning, I looked over to see CeeCee looking less than happy as she used one of the machines. I went over to her.

"What's wrong? You look upset."

"Well, I was on one of the machines over there, and between sets I was trying to switch my playlist. Just then, some old guy comes up and starts telling me I shouldn't be hogging the machines if I'm going to be 'on Facebook or some shit.' He starts going off on me about how kids are always on their phones and don't have manners and stuff. I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say."

I looked around the workout area we were in. There was roughly one person for every ten machines.

"Who was it?"

"I don't know. I never saw him before. He went over there." She indicated a wall that divides the areas. On the other side of the wall is a selection of spin bikes, mats, and kettlebells.

Of course I walked over there. Of course it was him.

As soon as I saw the white t-shirt stretched over his large belly and the Catholic badge dangling from his neck, I flew towards him.

"Listen you rapey old pervert, you don't get to yell at my girlfriend for anything! You don't even get to come within fifty feet of her, you blankblank blanker! Understand?!"

I continued for Hera knows how long as the few guys in the weights area started to peek around the corner, unsure of what had happened, but wanting to find out. CeeCee would later tell me I was raised up on my tip toes as I backed him up, like some kind of wild animal instinctively trying to make itself look larger and more fearsome.

It isn't long before Jimmy rounds the corner, sees us, and instantly puts his hands on his waist with one hip jutted out furiously. His mouth was a thin line and he stared a hole into Blessed Day Guy's face.

Blessed Day started to say something and raised his hand to indicate CeeCee. I cut him off with a finger in his face.

"You don't even get to talk about her, Mr. Rapey!"

At that, there suddenly appeared a wall of men between us. Blessed Day was ushered out with statements like, "Maybe you need to be done for the day, sir," and "Maybe you shouldn't talk to the young ladies here, sir."

CeeCee was as confused as everyone else until I told her the back story.

I guess what gets my hackles up is people who think they can talk in disgusting ways just because nobody has ever challenged them before. It's scary confronting someone talking like that, especially for those of us who are slightly socially challenged. That's what makes me angry. Why are the people who don't want someone talking in a disgusting way around them the ones who feel scared?