The Snowblower Bandit And Other Stories

The Snowblower Bandit

This is a story from my first semester at college, just last winter in 2019. One of my friends described it as "the most Annie I ever Annied."

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So, here's a little adventure I had this morning.

As you might know, I sleep about 3-4 hours a night. Don't worry, doctors say I'm not crazy.  Just like Sheldon, my mother had me tested. Anyway, that means I have a lot of early mornings compared to others, such as this morning.

I woke up at 3:30 AM, and we were at the tail end of a snow storm that eventually dumped about 5 inches on us. That means it's time to cuddle up with some hot tea and a good book, right? No!!! It's time to strap on the mukluks and go for a walk in huge drifts of fluffy white!

Since campus is illuminated by lights that are approximately a MEGAZILLION lumens, and the white snow covered everything, the campus was as bright as day. I was a little disappointed. It was also loud because the campus caretakers were all out snow blowing.

Anyway, I trudged along admiring the beautiful (albeit blinding and deafening) scenery, and passed one young man trying to snow blow. (I assumed he was young by body language. He was covered in so much snow gear a tauntaun could have warmed up inside of it with him).

His motor was revving obnoxiously as he tried to use the blower. RawrRAWR...rawrRAWR...rawrRAWR... He was obviously trying to figure out what was wrong with it. I stopped and pointed at it and yelled, "Your choke is still all the way on!"

He didn't hear me, but he motioned to the machine as if to say, "Be my guest!"

I turned the knob for the choke, and it started idling smoothly. The guy put his hands up in the air and bellowed, "You can use it! I'll do the shoveling!" He walked towards the nearest building where a shovel rested against the steps. I was a tad confused until I realized the dude thought I was on the grounds crew. Never one to say no to a ridiculous situation, I figured, "What the heck?" I continued his path around the building.

When I got all the way around, I figured his next logical job would be the path up to the academic buildings, so I crossed the street and kept going.

I'd been snow blowing for about an hour when I saw flashing red and blue lights reflecting off the snow.

A campus safety truck had pulled up, and the passenger got out. He was very young. I mean, he looked like he was still in high school. He ran along the path I had made, stopped short with his hand on his belt, and motioned for me to kill the engine.

He looked like he was trying to think of a very policeman thing to say, and finally settled on, "What do you think you're doing?"

This might be a good time to mention that some of my winter gear is army surplus, so when I dropped my hood to talk to him and revealed a pale blonde 18 year old girl, he didn't even try to hide his confusion. I didn't know how to answer him without sounding sarcastic, so I said, "Um...snow blowing."

As if he thought he might catch me with clever interrogation tactics he asked, "And just WHOSE snowblower is it?!"

"The university's, I assume." My admission made him stumble. He wasn't expecting that.

"So...you know you took university property." It wasn't a question.

"I didn't take anything! The dude using it didn't know what a choke was and asked me to do it for him."

"Well...um..." He took out a pad of paper and a little pencil. After he took my name and address (Sherri Lockholmes, 221B Baker Hall...he never asked for ID), he told me he'd be contacting me. He waved to his partner to leave, apparently planning on taking the snowblower back himself.

I got about 50 feet away and I still hadn't heard it start up again. I looked back to see him studying it. I walked back. "Do you know how to turn it on?"

He looked offended. "Of course I know how to turn it on! It must be out of gas. Look." He pressed the electric start button and nothing happened.

"Um...Sir, this kind doesn't have a battery. It has to be plugged in to use the electric start." He looked suspicious, but decided to yank on the pull cord. When it didn't start, I showed him how to turn up the throttle and adjust the choke. I mean, seriously, do city folk not know how small engines work?

He nodded when it started, and I headed back to the dorms. Ten minutes later I could still hear the rawrRAWR...rawrRAWR...rawrRAWR of a snowblower with the choke still on following me back to the dorms.