The Shadow Alpha

Chapter 12: The Price of Distraction

Chapter 12: The Price of Distraction

Holly

I step out of the shower feeling much more myself. The surging waves of lust and want that were coursing through me have receded, allowing my logic to once again surface.

Alpha River was sadly right about me not thinking properly. With every touch between us a fire I needed to extinguish, it's no wonder I was driven to the edge of my mind, where reason cannot exist. I realize what he meant about taking our time, doing this right.

        Our connection as mates is proving to be as challenging as it is intoxicating. But we have a responsibility—I have a responsibility, as the soon to be Luna of the Shadows—to accept each other in the right way.

I wrap the towel in wearing tighter around me, stepping out from the bathroom to stride across to the closet. I dress quickly, slipping into some more overly expensive pyjamas.

I hear River re-enter the bedroom from the hallway outside, and the bed shifting as he lays himself down.

         I leave the closet and re-enter the bedroom only to see him already on his side, his upper half still bare and his eyes closed.

          The sight of him in this way once again tugs at something in my chest. The feeling asks for me to get closer, to watch him as so few are allowed to: resting, unconscious, and vulnerable.

         I quietly pad across the carpet toward him, trying to keep my breathing level and silent so I don't accidentally wake him. I don't want to ruin this opportunity to witness him; he's truly unguarded, and I don't know how often this really happens. From what I've seen, it's not frequent.

As I come closer, my eyes scan across his face, taking in his sharp sloping features that are so relaxed right now. His strong jaw is slack, his lips just slightly parted as each gentle sigh of breath slips past them. For the first time, he actually looks his age.

           Twenty-three is still so young, all things considered. But he carries himself with the intensity and strength of someone twice that. It's easy to forget that he, just like anyone would, at his age, has so much left to experience.

         To think that from this point on, I'll be part of those experiences? That I will be at his side for the rest of my days? I'm filled with both excitement and anticipation, as well as a crippling sense of uncertainty.

        Not because I'm worried I won't grow to care for him more than I do, or that I will continue to feel out of place here within this new pack....No, the uncertainty is there because I know that surely, River will wish to keep expanding his reign of power. He will want to continue to dominate and absorb other packs, and I will be next to him as he does.

        As people are killed, and their loved ones taken. Will I be able to support him and his cause, knowing firsthand what it means to lose everything? To watch all you love and care about disappear in mere minutes?

          The logic he has surrounding his wishes to limit the brutal in-fighting that is so commonly found within other packs is sound. I understand that under his leadership, lives wouldn't be so needlessly lost. But there's something inside me telling me there must be another way, another means of brokering peace that doesn't end in bloodshed.

I sigh heavily, consumed with my thoughts and feeling almost dizzy as a result.

      I turn out the lamp, crawling in beside him and tucking down into the blankets. I find my nook, the perfect pocket of skin that lies from
His neck to his collarbone, and settle there.