I'll Settle for You

LYRIC ~ I Get Lonely

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” ~ Orson Welles

Estoy perdiendo mi mente! I was losing my mind. It had been a week since I last spoke to Raymond or Renee’, and I missed them both incredibly. I felt so alone without the two of them to lean on. One or the other had always been there when I needed to be comforted, so being without either of them was like solitary confinement. Yo estaba solo, and I don’t do well with lonely. I’d never really had to before. I wasn’t even alone in my mother’s womb, for crying out loud! And with that thought, my mind focused on Legend and the last conversation we’d had. He asked about Renee’, and I told him the truth; that I hadn’t called her yet.

“Why the hell not, Lyric?”

“I don’t know, Twin. ¿Qué voy a decir?” What could I say? ‘I’m sorry’ didn’t seem like enough after the things I’d said to her. I was intentionally mean and spiteful all because she was telling me the truth. What type of friend does that? Hell, what type of decent human being does that? And on top of all that, a part of me was still hurt by the things she’d said to me. Silly bitch in love. So what? My relationship was none of her business. I never talked about Ray with her, but she always found some way to bring him up in some unflattering manor. I knew he wasn’t perfect, but he was mine, and she should respect that. Yes, it was petty, but I felt I had a right to be upset about that.

“You start by apologizing. You two have been friends entirely too long to let this come between you. Especially if the sore spot isn’t even in the picture anymore” he said gently. That’s right Ray and I were no longer together. So at the end of the day, I’d messed up my friendship for nothing. "Listen, Twin, you and Renee are best friends! You two can get past this. So what, you said some harsh things? You don't think she'll forgive you after all the things you've done for her? You're going to let a dude come between you?"

He was right, of course. I couldn't imagine Nee and I wouldn't get past this; we'd been friends for too long. She was the closest thing I had to a sister, and a week was too long to go without my bestest. "You're right. I'll call her." I sighed. I didn't know how the conversation would go, if she'd talk to me, but I had to make the effort. "I'll call her tomorrow."

"Please do! And tell her that I can't wait to see her" he laughed.

After we said our goodbyes, I took a shower and got ready for bed. I cuddled with the pillow Ray usually slept on, and missed him terribly. I hadn’t called Renee’, but I hadn’t called Raymond either. Maybe, just maybe I was stronger than I thought. Yeah right! I said out loud. I was falling apart without his arms around me. Why did I miss him when I was sure he wasn't thinking about me? I had no right to miss him; no justifiable reason to want him next to me, but I did. After all the things he'd done, all the lying and cheating; I still loved him and I missed him, and truthfully, I just didn’t want to be with anyone else. I thought about Janet Jackson’s I Get Lonely as I fell asleep.

“I get so lonely
Can't let just anybody hold me
You are the one that lives in me, my dear
Want no one but you”

"I was wondering when I'd see you're pretty face again." Jamal smiled as I walked up to the counter. I'd just walked into Baskin Robins to get a Creole cream cheese ice cream cone and he was paying for a cake.

"Wassup Mal?" I smiled, giving him a hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Tomorrow is my T's birthday, and she loves the cakes from here." How sweet! Though I didn't say that part out loud. Instead, I said "Aren't you a great son".

"Mind if we sit and chat for a while?"

"I don't want your cake to melt." And I really wasn't in the mood for small talk. He gave me the cutest pout and puppy dog eyes that I had to smile.