I'll Settle for You

LYRIC ~ I Wish I Wasn't

"Dear Lady be cautious of Cupid, List well to the lines of this verse, To be kissed by a fool is stupid, To be fooled by a kiss is worse" ~Ambrose Redmoon

Things were better between Ray and I. He moved in, temporarily, after his aunt kicked him out. He’d been staying with me for about a month, and mostly it was wonderful. He got his car out of the shop after I found him a job at a printing company in Fort Worth. We were doing really well. There hadn’t been any arguments, strange phone calls, or anything of that nature. He was finally being the man I knew he could be. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy having him home with me every night. The sex was mind blowing, and I could really tell that he was trying to do right by me. Maybe we were finally on the right track.

I woke up one morning and cooked us both breakfast as usual. I was in a great mood, and I could just tell it was going to be a wonderful day. Before fixing his plate, I woke Ray up so he could get ready for work. He seemed to be in a foul mood, but I didn’t let him rain on my parade. Whatever he was upset about had nothing to do with me, so I didn’t worry about it.

“Damn, Lyric, why you make pancakes? I wanted French toast.” He grumbled as he sat at the table.

“Well, I guess you need to start getting up early enough to put in your order. That or make your own damn breakfast.” I smiled sweetly. Like I said, he wasn’t going to rain on my parade.

“Did you make my lunch?” What was with the attitude today?

“Yes, Ray. Don’t I always?”

“You didn’t put anything sweet in there yesterday. You know I like to have something sweet after I eat. And stop it with the ham. That’s that shit I don’t like.”

“Ray, honey, if you don’t like what I pack; you can always fix your own lunch.” I responded as I pulled my keys off the hook and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Have a good day at work. Love you.”

“Yeah, you too.” He mumbled. Just the words I wanted to hear, I thought sarcastically as I walked out the door.

Sometimes I wondered how I ended up in a relationship like this. My dad passed when I was ten and mom never remarried. She told my aunt Sheila that she’d never find a man who could love her half as good as the love she’d lost. My father was a firefighter, and he gave his life saving a woman and her two kids. He was a hero, and my brother and I were very proud of that. My mom was devastated, of course, but she had to stay strong because she had two children to care for. Of course, Legend and I missed daddy, but we had five uncles on mom’s side and three on dad’s to keep us in line. We were a rather large family and we looked out for each other. Even after almost twelve years, his presence was still missed. Why couldn’t Raymond be more like that? Why couldn't he love me that deeply?

I'd been head over heels for him for over four years, and the majority of that time had been spent hoping things would get better. We started dating our senior year of high school. Ray had just transferred from Michigan, and every single girl, except Nee, was swooning over him. I admit that I was one of those girls too, but at least I wasn't throwing myself all over him like the rest of them. There was just something that had drawn me to him the first moment I saw his smile. I was popular and pretty, so getting hit on by guys was nothing new to me, but I was not prepared for Raymond Temple. I'd had a couple of boyfriends, but like most teenage boys, they really weren't all that into a girlfriend who wouldn't put out. Ray was unlike anyone I'd ever met before. He was the handsome and mysterious bad boy that every good girl should stay away from. I was a good girl, and maybe that's the real reason he chose me. Nee was against the relationship before it ever began. Even Legend didn't want me to talk to him. Ray was the first person to really drive a wedge between my brother and me, but we eventually put the pieces back together again.