I'll Settle for You

MILES ~ Ordinary People

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering." ~Paulo Coelho

I sat playing a tune on the Baldwin 243 that sat in the living room of my parents’ house. My dad went out and bought a piano the moment I said I wanted to take lessons. I remembered listening to Duke Ellington with my dad and wanting to tickle the ivories. The song that I was playing was something fairly recent, but for the life of me, I couldn’t think of the title. It was a Thursday evening and I didn’t want to go home to an empty house. Mom was in the kitchen cooking dinner and dad was watching the news. I hadn’t seen my little brother, so I figured he wasn’t there. He had his own apartment, but he spent more time at mom and dad’s than he did when he actually lived there.

There was a lot on my mind, and playing the piano always seemed to calm me and help me think. My marriage wasn’t doing any better even though we were going to couples’ therapy. She was just so distant, and I didn’t know how to reach her. I asked if she wanted a divorce and she said no. I asked if she wanted to work things out and she said yes. The problem was she didn’t seem to be making an effort to fix us. Nothing had changed, and I was tired of being the only one trying to make this work. What did she want me to do? She told Dr. Lewis that I didn’t support her career; that I was trying to stunt her growth. How could she believe that? Just because I wanted to have kids; a family. Not that kids would be a problem since we weren’t having sex. I’d been praying for strength, patience, and guidance, but every day it got harder and harder to go home.

I found myself thinking about Leslie more and more. The sound of her voice, the curve of her body, those luscious lips I longed to kiss. I loved Naomi more than anything, but I had needs. I didn’t want to cheat on my wife; she was the only woman I wanted to be with. But lately, I wondered if Leslie’s skin was as soft as it looked. So I hadn’t used her number, I made no attempt to contact her. No, I couldn’t give in to temptation! I knew that I was weak, and she was like an open bar to recovering alcoholic. I couldn’t guarantee that I would resist these urges if I were in her presence. What more could I do than keep my distance? Besides, Leslie’s wasn’t truly the body I craved. I wanted my wife back! It was her that I wanted to please and take pleasure from. I had absolutely no problem loving one woman for the rest of my life, but what do you do when that love isn’t being returned?

Our problems weren’t all on her. By no means was I trying to place the blame on Naomi. Some of this was my doing. Maybe I wasn’t the best I could be for her, maybe I did get so consumed in work at times that I forgot to treat her like my queen, but at least I was trying to make it right. I was trying to give her the attention she deserved, but maybe she’d lost interest? I don’t know. All I could be certain of was that I couldn’t keep living this way.

I was so deep in my thoughts and the movement of my fingers on the keys, that I hadn’t noticed my parents standing there watching. The thing that brought me back to reality was the amazing voice of my little brother. It was when Dizzy started singing that I realized I was playing John Legend’s Ordinary People.

“Girl I’m in love with you

This ain't the honeymoon

Past the infatuation phase

Right in the thick of love

At times we get sick of love

It seems like we argue every day

I know I misbehaved

And you made your mistakes

And we both still got room left to grow

And though love sometimes hurts

I still put you first

And we'll make this thing work