Mom (Kellic)

12.

~kellin pov~
I tried really hard to not drink before graduation, but tonight has been really rough. My mom was around when I got home and I guess she had a bad day.

I feel guilty because over the course of our relationship Vic has been working really hard to self harm less, but I still drink nearly every day. I know it bothers him but he doesn't realize that just because we're dating my home life isn't magically better. My mom is still beating me constantly so I still need all of my calming substances. I still need to self medicate and forget, no matter how wonderful my boyfriend is.

I pull the bottle of whiskey out from under my bed and break the seal. I've been saving this one for a special occasion cause whiskey generally goes down easier than vodka.

The next thing I know my alarm is going off and it's the morning of my graduation ceremony. My head hurts, I'm nauseous, and I'm actually pretty depressed since I know I'll have zero family there.

I force myself out of bed and into the shower. The skin on my stomach is destroyed with bruises and cuts, from the kicking, and few tears slip down my face when I get in the hot water but I ignore them and finish washing up.

I'm not sure what to wear since we have those ridiculous robe things, so I get out black jeans and a white button down. I go to the effort to fix my hair and even find some cologne. After digging through my mom's stuff I find a little concealer and dab it under my eyes, erasing the dark circles for a day.

When I'm ready I pocket my phone and a pack of cigarettes. I think I'm going to walk over to Vic's first because I don't need to be at the school yet and I don't want to be alone.

Kellin: Can I come over?

Vic: Sure

I'm a little surprised by his short reply, but I tell myself he's just busy instead of worrying over it.

I smoke the entire way to his house, even waiting outside to finish my third cigarette before I knock on the back door. Mike answers and raises one of his eyebrows.

"You still knock when you come over?"

"Um, yeah? I guess."

He steps aside and lets me in. I say good morning to everyone in the kitchen and then go back to Vic's room. I tap on the door and wait for him to answer before I open it.

"Morning, happy graduation day," I say.

"Thanks, you too," He replies, not getting up from his bed.

"What's wrong?"

He's half dressed in a suit and his hair is still a mess. If I had to guess I would say he didn't sleep last night. I sit beside him and put my hand on his thigh, gently rubbing my thumb back and forth.

"Justin texted me last night," he sighs.

"Okay, why?"

"Mike texted him asking where he could get coke around here."

"Cocaine?" I ask, shocked.

Vic nods.

Sure I've done coke before but it's not something to mess around with. If Mike can't go one weekend without it then he's in deep.

"What'd Justin do?"

"I guess he told him that we don't have any good dealers."

"Fuck."

"Yeah, and now this morning I was watching him and he's all jittery and he's so skinny. I should have known something was wrong."

He looks like he's close to tears.