Skittles Own(s) My Heart

CHAPTER 45

WHAT TREASON SHIT IS THIS?!

I drove wherever my mind took me.

And it led me to the hill top Liam and I had found on our drive to find a perfect date-worthy place once. I don't know why I came here, but maybe it made me feel a little in control by being so high up, I could see the whole town. It doesn't make sense, but it just feels right.

I sigh, sitting down on a rock. Honestly it hurt my butt real bad, but I guess it's better than sitting on the leaves that could possibly have bugs which will crawl up my body. Including spiders. Ughhh. I shudder just at the thought.

Looking down at the houses, it makes me wonder how all these people living in them have lives of their own. Lives I will probably never know of. Problems of their own. Problems like my own.

I sigh and play some slow and soft music on Spotify. Doing this always helps me think better, especially when it involves emotional thinking.

Dad has changed a lot from the man I knew when I was a kid. In good ways and in bad. Maybe he has been lying to me and doing things behind my back but he also is a wonderful father in his own ways. He has been there for me when I needed him. Maybe not so much recently, but in the past, he has.

The divorce happened because of him too though. I remind myself. He ruined mom's and my life because of it. I grew up without a mother for the most crucial years when I needed her. Sure, dad was there for me, but I mean, a mother is different. I needed her. So much.

But at the same time, Dad has also gone through a lot. He lost both his parents in a car crash, his business had dropped for quite a while and he kept it from me the whole time. Not to worry me. Just like he did to mom when she was pregnant with David and me.

David. Should I tell dad that I know about him? That I know that he's my twin and understand the reason they had to give him up for adoption to mom's brother? Will dad actually care? Does he even know that he's the one? His son?

"Ughh!" These questions are getting too overwhelming and I have no answers to any. I don't know what to feel.

 The sky's turning into pretty colours of pink and purple now, making it look a little like candy floss. I smile at it and take a picture, posting it to my Instagram story along with a sparkles GIF. The beauty this world contains... and I'm just here worrying under the skies when I could be admiring it instead.

Does mom know about the wedding? Should I tell her about it? But what if it hurts her? But mom has gotten over it, hasn't she?...I don't know if I should tell her or not. I want to tell her and get her opinion on it to make me feel better, like she always does with her words. But on the other hand, I'm worried about hurting her. About her feeling like she wasn't enough for dad. About her making herself feel bad about not finding someone like dad has.

In her defence, Catherine and dad were the reason mom and dad got a divorce. That's also there. Knowing that dad is marrying the one he cheated on her with may hurt her and I don't want her feeling sad about it. I don't know how I can accept Catherine while I love my mother so much. I wonder if dad will ever tell me the real reason he and mom got a divorce. Nah, he won't. He wouldn't want to make himself look like even bigger of the bad guy here.

I breathe out a deep sigh and stare at the beach far ahead. Silence overcomes the entire place, the only sound being from Spotify playing some stupid Premium ad, ruining the moment and the trees swaying gently to the wind.

After about 15 minutes or so, I hear the sound of a car emerging from down the road. Who would come here at such a time? Oh god please don't tell me they're some guys coming to get drunk. It would be a pretty stupid place to drink though..unless they have a death wish.