Hey guys this is starr (aka SeraphStarshine) and I just wanted to say I am so excited about writing this fic with xoCrashFire. I have been a fan of her work ever since I first joined Wattpad, so to actually be writing something with her is an honor. I am super nervous about this, so please let me know if you like this chapter :)
<3 starr
Gerard's POV
"Gerard get up - you have school in thirty minutes!" My mother's shrill voice managed to break through the blanket of sleep I was desperately attempting to keep myself cocooned in, but I could feel myself slowly waking up, and I knew if I didn't respond soon, she would come up here and yell at me some more...or even worse - dump water on me. It had happened before, and that was an experience I didn't want to replicate.
"I'm up!" With an exaggerated groan, I heaved my tired limbs out of the tempting comfort of my mattress and begin scrounging around for something halfway clean to wear. I should really do laundry, but that took effort and energy, both things I seemed to be in short supply of lately.
I don't know why I felt this way...my life wasn't necessarily bad, I was just so tired of the monotonous routine that I was forced to endure each day. Wake up, go to school, work, homework, flirt, maybe fuck, go back to sleep, and in the end - it all meant nothing, and I was going nowhere fast. Something was missing...and no matter how hard I strove to find that elusive feeling, I couldn't seem to capture it.
Ever since Bert had left me, it was as if an essential component of my being had been buried, and I had turned into this different person. Whore people labeled me, slut was a common one as well...the names were endless, but that wasn't what I was trying to be.
Yes - I liked sex a lot, but I was only using it as a means to find the person who could make me whole again. It sounds pathetic when you put it that way...I shouldn't need someone else to make me who I am, but I do. I don't like myself, or what I have become in any case, but I can't shake the foul words that are spit out at me, so I embrace them instead.
It has come back to bite me in the ass though. Everyone at school knows of my reputation by now, making it harder to get with anyone because they all think I am some heartless asshole who is going to do to them what Bert did to me so many months ago. I have been reduced to flirting with my coworkers and the occasional cute customer, which is hard to do when I am supposed to be managing the register.
It was never my intention to become this heartbreaker, but I can't pretend I have feelings for someone when it becomes obvious they aren't the one. Is leading them on any better? Well...I might have been happier if Bert had led me on for a little while longer, so I guess I am a hypocrite to boot.
I just couldn't stop...it was my own form of addiction, besides for cigarettes that is. When I was in someone else's arms, the pain of being alone faded, and I was genuinely happy for a little while. The world was splashed with color again instead of the usual grey that I suffered through each day. I was an unhappy person, and I chose sex to fix that - was that really so wrong?
Sometime during my pointless musings, I managed to get dressed and out of the house, and before I knew it, the doors of one of my least favorite places on earth loomed before me.
I despised school, and it seemed to return the sentiment. My grades were abysmal, and I had to work my ass off to manage a C in all of my classes. My mother was always berating me for my poor marks, telling me I was never going to get anywhere in life if I didn't maintain good grades.
It wasn't my fault; I wasn't lazy, or one of those students that skip class all the time. I just wasn't interested in any of the subjects, and I only seemed to excel at things that piqued my curiosity, which was why art was the only class I always got an A in, but honestly - the chances of me making a living off of that was slim to none, as my mother was constantly reminding me.
