Frank;
I wait outside my house for Gerard to pick me up for school. It's about ten minutes until he usually does, but my Dad is snoring really loud and I just couldn't stand being in that house any longer. I love my dad, but holy hell, his snores are like chainsaws.
My back pack is set on the porch step below the one I'm sitting on, leaning back against my legs. I have one of the pockets unzipped, reaching in every now and again to steal some chips from a small bag I have stored in there.
Eventually, Gerard's car shows up in front of my house. Eager to see him, I jump up and throw my bag over my shoulder. I run to the vehicle and practically dive into the passenger seat. "Hey, Gee!"
"Hey, Frankie," he replies, not really sounding too happy. Did I do something wrong?
"What's wrong?" I ask, reaching my hand over to hold his free hand that rests on his thigh.
"Nothing, babe, I'm fine. Just, you know, not really looking forward to school." I guess I'll believe that. He just never seems this off before school. It's whatever, I guess. My boyfriend is allowed to have off days and not say what caused it.
I shrug my shoulders and lean over to kiss his cheek. When I pull back and look at him, he just looks even worse. It isn't helping my subconscious come up with something besides me doing something wrong.. This is going to bother me all day until I figure out the deal.
*
It's like this morning didn't happen. Everything is back to the way it usually is: hugging, hand holding, jokes, kissing. His mood was a lot better after first hour and it's questionable. I'm going to drop it though, whatever happened, he doesn't want to talk about it and I'm fine with that. I need to trust that he can handle himself and that if it was really bad or important, he'd tell me.
Right now we're at lunch, holding hands under the table while I eat a slightly wilted salad with cheap ranch dressing. It doesn't taste as horrible as it looks, but it's still pretty bad. Gerard is eating a chicken sandwich with ketchup and french fries. The fries don't look bad, and Gerard seems to be enjoying them.
"How's your day been?" I ask, looking to the side at him, squeezing his hand a little.
"Eh, not bad, not good. I have Geometry homework, which ultimately sucks ass. I'll have to bribe Mikey into helping me, which is nearly impossible." He shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite from his sandwich.
"How would you go about that?" I ask. Maybe I could use his techniques to get help as well. I don't mind doing homework, but sometimes it's just stressful and causes a headache.
"Well, sometimes I get him with telling him I'll get him a new game for his PS3. Sometimes I let him pick what he gets, but it has to be under fifty bucks. And sometimes he especially hates me and refuses to help me no matter what," he replies.
"So," I start through a mouthful of lettuce, "why exactly does Mikey hate you? Is it really because of, um, your sex life?" It's awkward for me to ask that question because I feel like I'm prying and going into dangerous territory. Talking about it, or even mentioning it, makes me feel uncomfortable because I know I accept that he's had a lot of sex, but it scares me that he might not be able to wait until I'm ready.
"Well, not exactly my sex life, more of what my sex life lead up to, I guess. When I told him my first boyfriend, Bert, and I had sex, he accepted it after making sure I was happy with it. After the break-up, my coping method was just more sex, and I guess he was okay with that too, but he started disliking me more and more when I basically became Bert. He finally snapped after I hurt his best friend, Ray. He lashed out and said he's never hated someone more, that I sicken him, that he can't believe I'd go so low as to become the person who hurt me most. I didn't want to become that person, but I was trying to get what happened with Bert out of my mind, and I guess hurting other people was how I dealt with it." It makes sense now. Mikey or Pete never really went into detail. It was always just "he's a whore", or whatever else. They never gave real reasons and I think it's because they didn't want to have to remember what happened to their friends.
I can see his eyes tearing up, threatening to spill over, so I let go of his hand and pull him closer to me, wrapping my arms around him. I can tell that he really misses his brother, being close to him, being able to talk to him.
I'm not sure what to say after that, I'm not even sure if there is anything to say. I don't know what would make him feel any better. I can't lie to him and say that Mikey's wrong. He did become Bert; he dated guys, had sex with them, dumped them.
So, in silence, we sit here and embrace, until the bell rings.
We both let go of each other and stand up, grabbing our trays of forgotten food. We tangle our fingers back together and walk towards the trash cans to dump the food. Afterwards, we walk into the crammed hallways and agree to split and go to our lockers, then I'll meet Gerard at his when I'm done getting my things.
He kisses the top of my head and lets go of my hand as I begin to drift away from him and towards the other end of the hall, down to where my locker is.
I squeeze through cliques and crowds of people, trying to just get to my locker so I can get my shit and see my boyfriend again. Christ, I don't think it should be this difficult to get through a building.
Right after that thought, the people I am walking behind stop and start conversing with other people. Oh my fucking hell, there is a thing called walk, fucking do it! I roll my eyes and just push my way through them, ignoring the looks I get from them. If they want to be ignorant and block the way of everybody, them they aren't going to get treated very well.
I finally make it to my locker and open it, grabbing the binder I need. "Here we go again," I sigh as I begin the trek to Gerard's locker.
People crash into me so many times, it's ridiculous. I just want to scream, this is annoying and I have to deal with it five times a week. Can I just be homeschooled?
After much struggle, I get in the general area of Gerard's locker. I smile, relieved, and walk along the lockers, looking up at the numbers so I know when I'm getting close to his. When I spot a number close to his I look forward and my eyes just about pop out of my head.
There's a tall guy, well, tall compared to me, standing too close to my boyfriend, with his hands all over him. Gerard isn't even doing anything, he's just letting it happen! What the fuck?
I gather up all my courage and march over there, my face getting hot from rage. When I get close, I shove the teenager away from him and take his place, looking up at Gerard. "What the fuck are you doing? Is this what happens when I'm not around you? You let guys just feel you up?!" I scream, shoving him against the locker door.
"No, Frank, listen-" he starts, holding his hands up.
"No! No, I understand now. Sex, it's all you think about. It's all you fucking know! You can't wait until I'm ready. It's all about you, it's all about what you want. Fuck you!" I scream, drawing attention from other people, but I don't care. I can't believe this happened. I should've just listened to Mikey and Pete. Gerard isn't good for me and and I should've seen that from the start.
I turn and walk away, going to my math class. I can't believe I fell for someone who would do that to me.
*~*~*~*
Okay, I have free time today so I'm going to try to update Look and Observe as well!! I apologize for the shortness of this chapter but, idk, I couldn't really think of anything..
I love you guys v v v v v v much.
xoCrashFire
