Frank's POV
I wasn't sure what I was expecting to feel when I broke things off with Gerard, I mean - I was expecting it to hurt, because despite my actions, I really did care for him, and I knew I could love him one day, but I was doing what was best for the both of us. I wasn't ready to be the person that Gerard needed, I couldn't satisfy him sexually, and despite Gerard's protests, I knew he couldn't live with that for long, no matter what he promised.
A part of me wanted to give him another chance, because really - he hadn't done anything wrong, and it was just my insecurities and nervousness over him needing sex that had truly caused me to end our relationship when I did, but that would just be giving Gerard an opportunity to hurt me again, because even though he hadn't actually cheated on me with Jonathan, seeing them together had made me want to be sick.
I was just protecting myself, not to mention Gerard; he may have said he loved me, but I didn't believe it, and now Gerard was free to go fuck whoever he wanted without me tying him down, so in the end, this was for the best.
So why the hell did I feel like my heart has been scooped out of my chest and stomped on in front of my eyes, it just didn't make sense. I had broken up with Gerard, not the other way around, and I had a good reason, so I shouldn't be so torn up over this, but the fact remained that I was.
I cried the entire way home, sprinting as quickly as I could once Gerard was out of sight; I didn't want to let him see how badly this break up had affected me, because then he might try and win me back, and I didn't think I was strong enough to push him away a second time, especially since all of my earlier anger had ebbed, leaving me achy and regretful instead of sure in my decision.
I had no idea I would feel this way, my last breakup had been nowhere near this intense, but I had been younger back then, and we hadn't been that serious, more like friends who cuddled and kissed on occasion. Gerard was different somehow, and the emotions I felt for him were so strong that losing him hurt more than any physical wound I had ever received.
Luckily for me, my mom's car wasn't in the driveway when I arrived home; she must have gone out to the store or something, and my dad wasn't back from work yet, so I was free to sob in peace, which was exactly the way I wanted it.
I hurried upstairs, stumbling on every other step thanks to the tears clouding my eyes, but I managed to make it safely to my room, collapsing on my bed with a loud wail as the reality of everything hit me full force.
I missed Gerard already, so much so that the need to have him here with me was clawing at my insides, ripping me apart piece by piece, but I shouldn't feel this way, I wasn't allowed to. I had been the one to break us up, so I would have to live with the consequences, no matter how terrible they were.
That didn't mean I wasn't going to cry over the fact that I had lost Gerard though, and I did, spending the rest of my evening sobbing bitterly into my pillow, ignoring my parents inquires before finally, my grainy eyes closed and I managed to drift off to sleep.
---------------------------------------------
I didn't think it was possible, but I awoke feeling even more terrible than I had yesterday. My entire body was sore, as if I had participated in a triathlon without my knowledge, but no - that was just the after effects of my crying bout last night, coupled with the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since lunch the day before.
Even the thought of eating had my stomach churning wildly, and for one moment, I thought I was actually going to throw up, but whatever I had in my stomach stayed down, thank fuck for that - I hated vomiting.
"Frankie, you need to get ready for school," my mom's voice called out, a hint of worry twinging her usually cheerful tone.
"Okay..." I sighed heavily, forcing myself out of bed and doing my best to avoid all thoughts of Gerard.
