Shane
I held onto one end of the forty by sixty inch mirror while my best friend Xavier held the other. He came over to help me get a few things done in the house. Aolani insisted the mirror goes up before our new furniture comes. Of which we haven't even gone to pick out yet, women.
"So Shane, how have things been since you two tied the knot?"
"It's been pretty good. We hit a rough spot once but we worked through it. The sex has gotten a hundred times better. Like we used to go at it, but living together means all the time..love it"
Once the mirror was secure on the wall we took our gloves off, I picked my beer up while he sat on the steps.
"I told you, it's always better once you move in and get married. I think it gets much more freaky after getting married though. But then again me and my wife have always been freaks"
"That might be true she showed me that fruit rollup thing the other night.. One word, bomb!"
"Word!? You just experienced that, you were missing out. That's the best thing, it'll keep your marriage alive and spontaneous. You never know when she's gonna do it again. Keeps you on your best behavior, no doubt.."
"I believe it, she's never been that kind of girl though"
"Sometimes things change"
I nodded my head taking another swig of my beer, I wonder if things change otherwise too.
"When you and your wife argue do you sleep on the couch and give her space?"
"Hell no! You did that to Lani?"
"Yeah.. She told me too"
"Bro, no you never do that. Nine times out of ten she doesn't mean that shit. Now if she's I'm gonna beat your ass mad.. maybe the couch is your best bet. Might even wanna hide the knives and keep one eye open. When she's acting up go in that room and take control. Fuck her brains out.. problem solved, that's all they want"
I sucked my teeth, why does it always have to mean they want you to fuck them. It might just mean they're really upset and they don't wanna be bothered. Oh who am I kidding..
"So that's how you've been married for six years?"
"Its not all about sex so don't go taking my stupid ass literal. But communication is a big thing, if you feel some type of way about something speak on it. Take her feelings into consideration and express what you feel. Just like when she's feeling some type of way. She has to take your feelings into consideration, and then you figure out how to balance the situation out. Listening, this is important too nothing is worse than not listening. Even if it's about something you don't give a shit about, listen! And lastly try to understand one another, look at things from both point views"
That's pretty useful information, I can do that. I'm in this for the long run, I don't believe in divorce. So what ever issues Aolani and I run into we'll just have to fix them, together. That's what we signed up for when we said I do and stamped our names on the marriage license.
"I do all of that, I listen because I'm genuinely interested. I love that girl man, I'd die for her, but it gets tough when she doubts stuff. It doesn't anger or frustrate me because we all have issues. But it kind of makes me feel like I'm not going something right. I can't figure out how to pick her up and keep her up, her fam said some shit that knocked her right back down. Its not as bad as it was three months ago but it's still kind of hard"
"What's being said?"
"Bro, her sister said she hopes Lani can't have kids. We've been struggling to have one so that was a low blow. It really hurt her and it almost hurt our marriage"
"You know it's always going to be that one person that spews negative shit. Everyone knows you love Aolani more than anything in this world. Hell you might love her more than your damn mom. But sometimes what we say isn't enough, time is what she needs. We don't know everything that's eating her up inside. So our outlook is like why do you let this get to you, it may be deeper than what she's willing to express"
"I mean, I wanna help her get through it. If she needs to talk I'm here for her, I just don't wanna feel like I'm pressuring her to talk. You'd think she'd just open up and let me know what's going on. I can't fully relate but I'm willing to figure out how to help"
I sat on the floor and played with the plastic that came off the mirror. I just wanna change her mindset, not that our situation hasn't gotten better. Because it has but I just wanna get everything out on the table so we can move forward. We talked about trying again but I've gotten a little apprehensive about it. I don't wanna fight with her each time it doesn't happen.
"Shane, when you let years of fear and doubt cloud your mind that doesn't go away. Stuff sticks and it's hard to let it go, she's looking at every other woman like you don't get it, you have a baby.. You don't get it, you're pregnant. Have you ever thought that maybe it's hard for her to simply accept her life completely?"
"Yeah I've thought about it, but no ones life is perfect. She gets so ashamed, this situation has affected me too. When she hurts I hurt too, I may not be in her shoes but I get it"
"Its nothing to be ashamed of, me and my wife just had our first baby. It took years of arguing and blaming each other for miscarriages. And it wasn't her, it was me I have a low sperm count.. It made me feel down. I didn't feel like a man because I wasn't able to give her that baby right away. We argued we fought, almost got filed for divorce, twice but we made it through the moment we sat down and started to understand each other"
"We tried that.. It ended in a heated argument. We got over it by simply just apologizing and basically sweeping it under the rug"
"If it's something you two have to argue about, maybe it's not time for y'all to bring a life into the world right now. It wasn't time for me and my wife then, we just got everything figured out and look at us. A healthy baby boy three years later, nothing is going to come easily"
That's what frustrates me, I don't wanna give up not even for a minute. This baby means so much to not only me but Aolani too. I understand what he's saying but I wish things could be easier. Maybe he can talk to Aolani and show her that she's not alone..
"Can you talk to her? Your story might help her"
"I can do that"
Xavier helped me pick up the cardboard pieces on the floor while we continued to talk. He's been a huge help, he's been with his wife for twelve years. I know if anyone could give me some trust worthy information it's him. I'm gonna take what we talked about and try to lay our issues on the table.
This journey of trying to conceive isn't going to be easy, and it's definitely not going to work out if we blame ourselves for every negative..
:
Aolani
I looked down at my nails surprisingly impressed, Jess convinced me to give coffin nails a try. I love them, I chose a sheer color because Im not really in a bright color kind of mood.
"You know Jess you have some good taste. These nails are so cute!"
"Girl I knew you'd love them"
While Shane and his best friend put our mirror up I decided to come out with Jess. I have the biggest news, and I just wanna tell someone. I just hope this is the right time to share it..
