Love it All Away🌙 : An Introductory Novella

Chapter 1: Mateo (she be{ongs with m£)

🎶 Song Suggestions: Selena Gomez - The Heart Wants What it Wants, James Bay - Need the Sun to Break, Tate McRae - One Day.

Present Day

    Three years, for three years I've watched Camila waste her adolescence away. Actually, I've been admiring her for ten years but up until three years ago she was colorful 🌈 . Camila Valentino was sassy and witty and had a glow about her. She used to be sharp tongued and full of life. She was so incredibly alluring that looking at her felt like she seeped in through your eyes and clouded your brain. I should know because I haven't come down from the clouds since the fifth grade. ☁️ Although, the physical beauty is still very much there it's been altered and the light behind her eyes has dimmed. As I watch her now, I just wish she could find a way to be happy again. My poor, sad, beautiful doll. I want to see her sparkle ✨ again.

    I walk passed her and stop at my locker. I've been blessed with the rare occasion of running into her in the hallway today. When I look over at her again I see she's absentmindedly tracing her index finger over something on her notebook while her best friend, Samantha, babbles on about something that clearly Camila has no interest in. I watch as Sam repeatedly asks her if she's listening and Camila continuously reassures her that she is even though she makes no changes in her behavior to prove otherwise. It makes me chuckle to myself.

    I am not Sam's biggest fan. Samantha is a the type of person who is vain and selfish but can also still be a decent human being. Like she'd push you in front of a bus but apologize to you right before doing it and maybe even justify it all by organizing your memorial service. I wouldn't say she's a healthy influence that Camila should have around but she's the only one who's truly stuck by her side and has actually been present through really difficult times. But even still, I question her motives. Or maybe Camila is her exception or at least I hope. But I know she's always made sure to remind Camila of how lucky she was to have her as her so called best friend. I'll never fully trust her. I often humor her, solely to use her to keep tabs on my Camila.

    People who need to capitalize on other people's misfortunes in order to make themselves feel superior don't fair well with me. Sam might think she and I have something flirty going on between us but the truth is I entertain her to keep the knowing of Camila close. I know how wrong that is but I hold no reservations where Camila is concerned.

    I walk towards the front of the school and out the front doors to the parking lot leaving them to their one sided conversation. I toss my stuff in the back seat of my truck and wait for JJ, leaning against my truck and watch the crowd pool around the front of the school. My eyes find her again, exiting alone and I watch her as she makes her way to her own car. My friends joke that I'm a creepy stalker but I don't expect them to understand. She thinks she escapes by unseen by the world but not from me. I have a personal and emotional obligation to her. She's become the complete opposite of the person I met and crushed on when we were only ten years old but I still care so deeply for her, even still, knowing that she will never be that person again. I know deep down inside that parts of that person are still in there, not all of her but there is something left under the rubble of her broken heart. 💔

    "Hey, perv! Can we go now?" My friend JJ teases, patting me hard on the chest to get my attention.

    "Let's get." I say as we both get in my truck, but I don't leave without one last glance.

    "I gotta ask man, what's with you? You've only gotten worse, and I thought that wasn't possible. You can pretty much have any girl you want, I've seen it. Girls throw themselves at you, I don't get it. I've watched you pine over this chick since I started at this school and from what I've heard you've been like this since freshman year. Lately, you haven't been out with anyone and this obsession is getting out of hand, like you're not even trying to hide it anymore." He's right. I don't try to play it off at all and I haven't hooked up with anyone in months.

    "You wouldn't get it." I say simply because he wouldn't. JJ is actually one of my smarter friends who actually cares about life beyond football and high school, but even still he wouldn't understand this. "I don't have the time nor the desire to explain man, no offense."

    "You gotta give me something or else I might need to start watching Camila myself, just to start protecting her from your crazy ass!" We laugh and I shove at him playfully. "Does this have to do with her losing her brother? I know he passed before I started here. The hype of his passing was just quieting down when I first transferred here. I've asked around and the guys say you and him were like brothers." I swallow the ball that has now formed in my throat.

    That's exactly what we were. My loss was almost as great as hers. "JJ, he was the closest thing I had to a brother. The only thing we needed to solidify it was to be bound by blood. Losing him hurt like hell but watching her lose him..." I pause because I can feel myself getting caught up. I fight my emotions and continue. "It's like she died with him." I keep my eyes on the road not wanting him to see my vulnerability.

    He nods indicating that he gets it. "I'm sorry man. I see now. I'm sorry for your loss. And her loss." I nod in acceptance.

    "You're a good man, J. Thanks for the therapy." I tell him as I turn into his driveway.

    "I gotta repay you somehow for the rides this week. I should have my car back soon. Tomorrow you can tell me why the two of you don't talk anymore." Oh I definitely don't want to go there.

    "See ya tomorrow bro." I wave at him as he walks towards his front door.

    My mind wastes no time. My thoughts are immediately back on Camila. JJ is right though, I haven't been myself lately. I think it's because I know that I'm running out of time. I've wasted three fucking years! Shit, almost 4. I promised myself I'd make amends with her, that I'd build a relationship with her, that I'd at least fucking talk to her. My goal was to help her in some way, to find some sense of happiness, to at least laugh again. But I have done, ZER-O of those things and I'm one hundred percent regretting letting my fear and procrastination get the best of me.

    All the homecomings and proms and parties and pep rallies. She's missed it all. I wonder if she's ever been kissed or possibly more. I wonder if she's ever felt safe and adorned. I know I've seen her at a few college parties, with a girl I didn't recognize but I've never seen her with any guys, especially not any from school. I've also seen her completely wasted but I try to push those images to the back of my mind. It's torn me apart, I don't pity her but I feel for her. She clearly does that to escape and forget. It hurts to watch someone you care about just slipping further and further away.

    I feel so guilty like I'm an accessory to her misery for not intervening sooner. Her birthday 🥳 is tomorrow and I've been planning something special. If this doesn't open up the opportunity for some sort of a relationship with her then I'll have to figure out another way.

    I sit in my truck where I've just parked in my driveway and I realize that this is it. It's already going to be May, we are graduating in a matter of weeks.  She needs to know that life has to go on and she's got actually live. I need to save this girl. I need to save myself from living in constant regret and wonder. I need to know if she was meant for me or not, once and for all. Like her, I've also wasted enough time, I could've spent so much time with her these past years. No more being a coward!

    I'm sorry Camila that I was so late but I'm coming for you now. I whisper.💞