Love it All Away🌙 : An Introductory Novella

Chapter 5: Mateo (the b€st day)

   
     I'm looking at this chaotic, beautiful, lost girl sitting here before me and I still can't believe that I'm here in her bedroom with her. I sit patiently studying her pretty features once again. She looks up at me with her alluring eyes and I know that she's fully aware that it drives me crazy when she looks at me this way. I also think she does it on purpose and I like that . If she's this sexy now I can only imagine what it's like when she's actually trying. I watch as her hands trace the pattern on her pillow case. I'm trying to distract myself from the dirty path my thoughts are about to take. My eyes find their way to her full, pink lips and it feels impossible to reel in my hormones. I can't wait to kiss them, suck on them, even more I can't wait to feel them kiss me and suck on me. No, I can't stray right now. I need to maintain my composure.

I wonder what she's thinking about. I know she believes I don't know much about her but I'm aware of more than she knows that I am. If only she could see that it hasn't deterred me yet. I'm actually more afraid of what she might think of me and the things that I've done.

She's watching me, she's clearly oblivious to how much her eyes communicate, they've said more than her words have so far. They deceive her every time. "Cami. You're very quiet. You know you feel something too. Otherwise you would've shot me down by now. Just admit it already!" I say waving my hand back and forth between us. "Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking. I want all the honesty."

    "You want a lot of what I haven't given to anyone, not even to myself. I really just want to leave the past two years in the past." I want her to know that she can trust me.

    "But that person, whether you like it or not is a part of who you are. I want to to be here for you in the best way I can. I want you to trust me. I want to be your safe place. I'm not here to judge you because I don't want you to judge me either. You'll have questions about my past too, one day. Please Cami, let me finish falling in love with you." I express as sincerely as I can. I  try to convey my commitment to her and she eyes me with wonder.

    "We've been hanging out for two days and you just expect me to let you into my life, in my head, into my heart?" Her voice cracks. "I need time, I'm so scared that once you're in you might change your mind. And I don't know what that would do to me or how I'd handle that." She blows out a big breath and brushes the hair away from her face.

    She's looking at me with an agony in her eyes. I want to help her so badly. I want to save her from, herself. I want so desperately to love her better. It's time for her to forgive herself for all of her mistakes and to know that she's worthy of love and this life.

    "I completely understand. I'm not asking for you to go from zero to a hundred in a day. I'm perfectly happy with taking this at your pace. I mean I think I can take this slow, if slow is the pace you want to take." I gently take her hand in mine. "All I need is for you to say you want to try this and I'm all in."

    She's looks down at our joined hands. I can tell she's biting the inside of her cheek by the way her lips are pursed to one side.

    "Do you have feelings for me at all?" I know the answer to my question because I can feel it but I'm not sure of how much she's willing to admit. Regardless, I will always be here for her. Of course, it would be difficult to live with the thought of never knowing what it is to be with her if she decides she doesn't want to try for more.

    She stands and walks over to the window looking out in search of who knows what. I watch the light breeze sway in her hair and I can tell she's lost. I've come to find that this is one of her coping mechanisms and I kind of love that about her.

    I stand and take the place beside her. When she looks up at me she releases another heavy sigh taking my hand in hers."I want to, I feel a different kind of good when I'm with you. And this is going to sound a little crazy but I can't be your girlfriend right now." She says in her sweet, raspy voice and a smile creeps on my face.