Love it All Away🌙 : An Introductory Novella

Chapter 11: Camila (f**lish *ne)

   
I am offended and actually pretty fucking pissed that he's judging me right now. He said he wanted to be the one person I could be transparent with, he volunteered. But if he's going to stand here and judge me to my face then he'd better be damned near perfect. I stand up to face him and I'm glad that I'm wearing my wedges, they make me taller giving me more confidence.

I decide to rip into him. "What about you Teo!? Huh, do you see perfection when you look in the fucking mirror? Are you squeaky clean? You don't exactly have the best track record for treating girls the way they should be treated, your words not mine. I've made a lot of mistakes. And a lot of the shit that I've been through is because of my own irresponsibility. I know it's my fault that my virginity was practically raped away from me? You don't think I'm aware that? Maybe if I didn't get so wasted and faded off my ass all the time then guys wouldn't continue to take advantage of me? But no matter what state a girl or woman is in, she should never be take advantage of, wouldn't you agree? And I know all of this, NOW, but I'm not looking for someone to hold me accountable or even to feel sorry for me but for you to stand there and judge me? I've got my wonderful mother for that. In fact I wasn't looking for anyone. I had slipped away into the cracks where I had hoped no one would look to find me, that girl was weak and broken and just wanted someone to finish her off but at least when I was that girl I was invisible." I stop talking because this is breaking my own heart. The tears are streaming and I feel like such a freaking idiot. I don't want to cry anymore.

    Mateo tries to wrap his arms around me but I swat them away. He has the audacity to look offended in his rejection. The last thing I want is his comfort. I just allowed myself to be completely vulnerable and he's ruined it. I'm so pathetic. How could I believe that Mateo Luna was going to be that person for me? As always I've set myself up perfectly for disappointment. I don't know why I even bother.

    "OKAY then." He says through gritted teeth. I scowl and I'm completely thrown off by his tone. Who is this guy and what has he done with the sweet Mateo I was getting to know?

    When I look up he's giving me a look as if to say, two can play this game. As if to imply it's a challenge. Well come on Luna, nothing you have to say can match my crazy but I'd like to see you try. I quickly wipe my tears and stand up straight. I respond with a silent glare that says, okay I'm waiting.

    He begins. "You know when you asked me back at school on your birthday why I hadn't gotten with Sam, well I have. I've hooked up with her. It happened one night after I helped her rescue you from one of your inebriated episodes, but you were too far gone to remember I was even there, obviously." He says this with such conviction, every word intended to cut me. My jaw is on the floor right next to my heart. I'm in shock and disgusted with his confession and his behavior. Was he just never going to tell me this?

    I've done a lot of shit but aside from the Mason thing, he had no connection to any of it. I shake my head at him in disappointment. I wonder about how Sam could've kept this from me too, what else has she kept from me? He's clearly witnessed my reckless behavior first hand. I feel this strange feeling of betrayal in some fucked up way even though it doesn't make any sense because I never wanted him before. None of this is making any sense.

    I can tell by the look on his face that he's quickly regretting this night and all it's content, he doesn't say anything else and it's far too late. This isn't something that can be undone. I back away from him until I'm up against the tailgate.

"Take me home." I say and walk over to the passenger side of the truck and I get in.

    He slams the tailgate shut, harder than necessary and it startles me but he doesn't get in the truck right away so I turn back to look for him. When I don't see him I consider getting back out of the truck but I wait a little longer instead.