Haunting

Chapter eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Shannon spat a mouthful of water back into the sink and looked at herself in the mirror. She had never hated herself more. Her hair was messy, her face was red and blotchy from tears, but she had everything she ever wanted, and someone else had died because of it. Someone she had loved.

She was despicable, and there was no coming back from this. Never.

Her sinuses tingled and Shannon felt her eyes well up once again. Her knees weakened and she sank to the cold linoleum floor. She wrapped her arms around her knees and let her sobs erupt from her chest.

This was her fault. There was no doubt in her mind, every part of her soul was screaming those words at her. The part of her that she had learned over the years to trust more than anything, was telling her it was true. This happened because of what she did, because she brought Reggie back. A life for a life.

The tears didn’t stop and neither did the accusations tumbling through her brains. Self-loathing, no matter how justified, was the worst, and Shannon didn’t want to be alone with it anymore. She struggled to her feet, her muscles ached and her but hurt from sitting still on the cold floor for god knows how long. It went perfectly with her raging headache and her   she couldn’t stay here anymore.

She hobbled to the door and turned the lock, then she paused. Her father was out there, probably holding Fiona’s hand as they cried, and mourned the loss of their son. The loss that Shannon was directly responsible for. But they would never, and could never know about that. They would expect her to stand with them, cry with them. But she didn’t deserve that love. Her selfishness destroyed a life, an innocent child that she had never met, but had loved just as much as she loved her other siblings.

Shannon couldn’t look at them, she couldn’t bare it. It was so weak, and Shannon had always prided herself on being strong, but seeing her parents mourn was more than even she could handle. So she did the cowardly thing. She turned left instead of right and almost ran out the front door of the hospital. As soon as she breached the big automatic doors of St Joseph’s Hospital, Shannon did run. She ran as fast as she could and as far as she could. For as long as she could. Until she ran out of land and found herself staring out at the roiling ocean.

This wasn’t one of the pretty beaches that attracted the tourists in the summer time. This was one of the ones with signs posted about dangerous waters, with heavy waves smashing against the rocks, wearing them down, millimetre by millimetre, with so much force that it could kill you if you let them. But as much as Shannon was in the mood for some self-flagellation, she wasn’t that far gone and turned away, forcing her sore legs along the thin path that weaved its way up the rocky slope.

She walked as the dark clouds rolled out across the sky, covering the light smattering of stars, leaving Shannon in almost total darkness. The wind picked up as well, whipping the salty ear through her hair, stinging her face. A storm was coming.

Shannon kept walking, stumbling occasionally in the dark, until she felt three fat drops of water hit her face. She ran her hand along the guard railing that suddenly appeared beside her and followed it out to its highest point. Then she realised where she was. Just out if front of her was a gaping hole, which opened up into the cave where the Red Beach party was held. The rail was no longer a surprise, but where she wound up was.

Shannon must have been walking for longer than she thought, she was almost home. And home was the very last place that she wanted to be. That’s were Reggie would be waiting for her, waiting to tell her that this wasn’t her fault. But it was, and she didn’t want to be told otherwise.

Instead of walking back down to Red Beach she walked backwards towards the road, and started towards town. Then the sky opened up.

By the time Shannon was tapping on Joanie’s window, she was soaked through and chilled to the bone. She could barely think through the shivering. The light flicked on in the window and Joanie’s worried face appeared.