Avengers (Mainly IronStrange) Oneshots

The Light Behind Your Eyes (IronStrange)

Trigger warning on this one: self harm and suicide.
If either of these trigger you, please don't read. If you are feeling suicidal or self harming, and you need someone to talk to or just to rant to, I'm here just message me.
💙

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So long to all my friends

Stephen sat, lonely in his room, counting those he had lost; Tony, Peter, Wong, Natasha, The Ancient One, Christine.

Every one of them met tragic ends

The Ancient One; to Kaciellius. Christine; in the Infinity War. Natasha; to the Soul Stone. Wong, his best friend; to an incurable, magical cancer. Peter, his non-biological son, but son all the same; to suicide when the absence of his mentor and father became too much. And Tony, his husband, his one true love, Stephen's soulmate; to a self sacrifice that saved the entire universe.

With every passing day

Stephen barely left the Sanctum these days. He sat in his room, staring at the wall, only ever moving to go to the Avengers meetings he has to attend. Nothing spurred him to move.

I'd be lying it I didn't say

Every time he meets up with the other Avengers, Stephen puts on a brave face. He lies. He says he's fine, when truthfully, he's slowly dying.

That I miss them all tonight

Stephen missed them all so much, it was physically painful. A lot of the time, he would sit on his bed, cocoonned in blankets, eating nothing but Stark Raving Hazelnuts and blasting It's Quiet Uptown And Dear Theodosia from Hamilton into his ears on repeat.

And if they only knew what I would say

There was so much Stephen never got to say to them. He never got to tell them how much they all truly meant to him, especially Tony and Peter. Yes, he had told them he loved them, and he truly meant it, but he now didn't have the chance to show them fully.

If I could be with you tonight
I would sing you to sleep

Every night, Stephen falls asleep humming the lullaby Tony would always sing Peter to sleep with, even when he was 16. It always comes to Stephen, it is the soundtrack to his days now.

Never let them take
The light behind your eyes

Even after several months, Stephen still blames himself for his family's deaths. He believe he could have prevented them.

One day I'll lose this fight

One day, Stephen was washing his face in the bathroom, when his eyes fell on his razor. The thoughts ran through his head. He picks it up and makes the first cut, embracing the pain. Then he just keeps cutting. It becomes a daily addiction.

As we fade in the dark
Just remember
You will always burn as bright

From the day he made the first cut, the voices started. Several voices, all overlapping. Telling him that Tony and Peter, and everyone else, were ashamed of him, that he meant nothing, that he had no point in being here, that he was a waste of life. The voices only stopped when his blood was flowing.

Be strong and hold my hand
Time it comes for us, you'll understand

Eventually, the Avengers noticed the drastic change in Stephen, his rented smile and fake 'I'm fine'. They told him to 'take a break'.

We'll say goodbye today
And we're sorry how it ends this way

The Avengers would really miss Stephen, but it was for his own good. The only thing they hadn't discovered was the self-harm, probably the most important thing and they hadn't figured it out.

If you promise not to cry

Stephen got home and collapsed on to his bed, tears tracking their way down his face.

Then I'll tell you just what I would say
If I could be with you tonight

As he led there, Stephen remembered their last proper night together, him, Tony and Peter, before Thanos.

I would sing you to sleep

Tony had sung Peter his lullaby, and Stephen and Tony were just laying in bed, humming songs at each other.

Never let them take
The light behind your eyes

That was the last time Stephen remembers calling asleep happy, the light of his life alive and breathing beside him.

I'll fail and lose this fight

Everyday, Stephen becomes more and more down. Cutting more. Harming more.

Never fade in the dark
Just remember
You will always burn as bright

Tony's face always comes to the front of Stephen's mind when he cuts, it never fades.

The light behind your eyes
The light behind your

Tony's eyes using Stephen's dreams. The deep, brown pools, the spark of life in them that made them so unique.

Sometimes we must grow stronger
You can't be stronger when I'm gone

Stephen is in so much pain that he can't fight anymore. The absence is just to much.

When I'm here, no longer
You must be stronger and

So Stephen goes and tells the other Avengers that he wants to quit. They are all going to miss him, but they understand.

If I could be with you tonight

Stephen walks home, missing Tony even more, and wanting nothing more than to be with him. He knows there is a way and he is more than willing to do it.

I would sing you to sleep

He walks into the Sanctum, tears streaming down his face, humming Tony's song again.

Never let them take

He walks into the bathroom and his eyes land on his razor.

The light behind your eyes

With tears still streaming down his face, Stephen picks up the razor, thinking this could solve everything.

I failed and lost this fight

Stephen sliced the blade across his wrists, embracing the pain, the blood pooling around him.

Never fade in the dark

As his eyes began to close, his mind went to Tony.

Just remember
You will always burn as bright

Stephen smiled faintly in his last moments, he would be with his family, his Tony, again.

The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes
The light behind your eyes

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And done! I tend to write how I feel and this happened. I cried when writing this one. Not much of an A/N today

Love you 3000 💙