The Story of Griffin Hawkins

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Week Two

Friday 

            I stared at Harley without saying a word as worry encased his expression. I wanted to tell him I didn’t have those feelings back for him, but I was blindsided with his confrontation that I shifted uncomfortably with my mouth clamped shut. As his copper colored eyes continued to bore into me waiting for an answer, my mouth fell agape. It wasn’t that Harley wasn’t attractive—he was, this was a terrible time in my life for any kind of relationship.

            I realized I held a beer and all but chugged it, throwing the empty bottle in the trashcan. “Cay, are you okay?” He inquired as I stared off at the space next to him. I blinked a few times. “Did you hear me?”

            “Um, yeah,” I somehow responded to him. “I just…” I stopped, looking for the right words to let him down easily. Maybe in the future Harley and I could be something, but definitely not now.

            “You just don’t like me back,” He finished for me with a sad look in his eyes. I returned the look with a grim smile of my own. Harley sighed and ran his hands through his hair in defeat.

            “I’m sorry, Harley.” I blurted and let myself continue. “It’s not a good time in my life right now.” I had to tell him how I felt. “I have personal issues that I need to deal with before I pursued any type of relationship with someone. I need to focus on myself first. I need a friend, Harley, I need support more than anything.” I confessed and pleaded for him to still be in my life as a friend. I knew it would be hard for him and I was asking a lot from him, but I didn’t want to lose his friendship.

            I begged him to understand with my eyes and he breathed deeply. “You know I’m there for you Cay, for anything.”

            I stepped up towards him and slid my arms around his waist. I held him tightly and breathed in his musk scent. He slowly wrapped his arms around my shoulders and rested his chin on my head. “Thank you,” I mumbled into his shirt.

            “Yeah…” He trailed off and I frowned.

            I felt bad and I felt guilty for rejecting Harley, but I had to think about myself. I just hated myself a little bit more because I know I hurt his feelings. I don’t know why I gave him hope, but I’m glad I did. “Maybe in the future when my life is a little less crazy and more stable…” I took a step back and glanced into his copper eyes.

            They lit up in response to my statement, “You’ll give me a chance?” He asked slowly. I gave him a toothless grin and he smirked. “I’ll take what I can get.” He looked down at my shivering body and frowned. “Sorry, let’s get you inside.” I nodded numbly and went back inside the loud bar.

            Harley headed for the bar to grab us more drinks when Kirsten headed for me. Kim was nowhere in sight. “Where have you been?” She questioned, as she stood toe-to-toe with me. “One second, you’re both behind me and the next, you’re both gone.” She narrowed her eyes accusingly.

            “Harley pulled me out onto the patio to tell me he likes me.” I grumbled back.

            “And?” She yelled over the music.

            “And I told him I didn’t really answer, but told him it wasn’t a good time in my life and I need a friend, but that maybe in the future?” I said quickly.

            “Cay!” She gaped. “You gave him hope! Why would you give him hope?” She stared at me. “Oh, because you think you could grow to like him if you didn’t have issues…” I nodded. “Just be careful, please?” She begged and gripped my frozen hand.

            “I don’t intentionally hurt people.” I told with pure honesty. Her brown eyes narrowed at something behind me, before turning her attention back to my eyes.

            “That guy from your therapy group… Griffin?” I gave a sharp nod. “He’s been staring at you since you came in from the patio. It seems like he wants to say something to you. I told you to be careful with him, Cay.”

            “And I heard you loud and clear the first time.” I replied, realizing I never told Kirsten about my run in with Griffin.

            “Here,” Harley said as he handed me a beer.

            I took it from his hand and peaked over my shoulder. Griffin stood in the corner away from the hordes of people and his focus was on me. “I’ll be right back.” I told Kirsten and Harley as I made my way through the crowd and straight for Griffin.

            Once I made my way in front of him, he pushed himself off of the wall he was leaning on. He took a long sip of his beer and peered down at me. Neither of us said anything for a moment, I was trying to figure Griffin out by looking at him, and that wasn’t working. He glanced behind me, smirked, and then frowned as he looked back at me. “Your boyfriend looks upset that you’re over here.”

            “He’s not my boyfriend,” I replied immediately. I assumed my quick response informed him that I wanted him to know I was single and available. I shook my head. “He’s just a friend—a concerned one.”

            He shrugged, “It’s hard date someone while dealing with depression. It put’s a strain on the relationship.”

            “Talking from experience?” I inquired, also wondering if he was single.

            He laughed, “Never had a girlfriend before.” He admitted.

            My mouth dropped open in surprise. “Really? You never had a girlfriend before?”

            “Nope,” He stopped, “I had girls think they were my girlfriend, but never someone I called my girlfriend.” My mouth formed an ‘o’ in surprise, quick to assume he was the player type—never one to be in a relationship, but slept around eagerly. “My brother was the girlfriend type, not me.”

            “You have a brother?” I questioned.

            “Yeah, he’s twenty-five.”

            “My brother is twenty-five as well,” I told him. “I have an older sister too.” It didn’t seem like he really cared to know about my life, but I told him anyways.

            “How old is your sister?” He asked and I was shocked that he was actually curious about my life.

            “She’s twenty-seven. She has depression also, but my brother doesn’t understand.”

            “Neither does mine. People that don’t have depression don’t understand the pain that exists within us…” He replied as he looked off into space and we seemed to connect on a level that I wasn’t used to. Kirsten didn’t fully understand what I was going through, but Griffin did. In that moment, I realized Griffin was someone I could talk to about my issues. He would understand.

            “Because it’s like drowning while everyone else around you is living and breathing.” I finished for him and his dark eyes connected with mine.

            “An intangible pain in your body that can’t be fixed.” He continued.