Chapter 5 - A Test

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⠀⠀⠀⠀Low wooden tables were aligned in the dining room, where each mahogany table was filled with freshly homemade food, mainly rice, pickled vegetables, miso soup, fish, fruits and a cup of tea; a basic Japanese meal. Some considered it to be luxurious, but for those hailing from noble families and organisations, it was an ordinary meal of many. Men sat cross-legged and hunched their backs, quickly scarfing down their food. Perhaps this was the first time I ever saw so many people gathered in a single dining room. I sat on the tatami mat, my legs crossed to the left and my hands carrying the rice bowl and a pair of chopsticks in each. Not only was this my first time being with so many men, but it was my first time eating with others, as well.

⠀⠀⠀⠀Nobles have been trained from birth to eat with elegance, manners and subtlety. We must not raise our chopsticks or bowls too high, we must not eat quickly and ruin our meals, we must not eat loudly. However, those rules seem to be abolished here, for no one seemed to care. Nonetheless, it is already a habit ingrained into me, and is something that I cannot break. For the first time, I felt meek, for I have associated with none of them excluding some of them.

⠀⠀⠀⠀Yet again, that was not the only reason I felt meek. My mind was flurry with thoughts, not intellectual ones, but ones about... This morning. I get flustered just by thinking of it; why did he do all those things? Why did he stay with me all night, why didn't he leave me be? Wasn't he supposedly cold-hearted and never regarded feelings? This is illogical... I can't think of a reason for his actions nor my thoughts... Am I sick?

⠀⠀⠀⠀Having a flashback to where his skin touched mine, where his warm body heat spread, where his clothes were cold like a falling snow's touch... What am I doing?! What am I thinking about? Such thoughts are alien to me, I must be falling sick. For the first time since I sat down, I looked up with my mouth closed while chewing. Somehow my eyes were brought to the uttermost front of the room, where a certain redhead sat. Somehow, or coincidentally, our eyes met. With a stare that was not hard nor soft, he looked ahead as his lips curved upwards into a hard smirk, like he was humiliating me.

⠀⠀⠀⠀'What the hell are you doing?! Stop staring at him!' I yelled internally as I realised and looked down at my half-eaten food.

⠀⠀⠀⠀"I'm done," I murmurred softly and stood up quickly, twirled my fingers around the handles of the food tray table and lifted it up before leaving the room abruptly. The room was silent for awhile as I took my sudden leave, but soon continued it's noisy atmosphere once I left.

⠀⠀⠀⠀I slid the doors close and took in a deep breathe of the fresh, cool air that lingered around freely. I leaned against the paper doors slightly, gazing into the distance of the azure sky with the sun burning brightly like a conflagration despite the cold weather. I sighed, I must not be feeling well. Such useless thoughts should quickly pass by. I stood straight and corrected my posture and continued walking towards the kitchen to wash my own ware and put them away properly. Something I have never done before, but it shouldn't be too hard, I guess.

⠀⠀⠀⠀I walked into the open kitchen where there was a small wooden tub set for washing plates after putting on one of the slippers meant to be used when you stepped out of the mansion. It was just one of the measures taken by many to maintain the cleanliness of a place. That tub should be it, since there were spotless ware right next to it. It was incredibly low, I sighed. My hair was already in a high ponytail, I set the tray table down and pulled up my sleeves and tied them so they wouldn't drop when I moved around. I squatted down and started slowly plunging plates into the wooden tub and took a cloth hanging by the side to scrub the residue off after disposing of the large clumps of uneaten food. The cloth was coarse and rather rough, it was unlike anything I had ever touched before.

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