Break In My Heart

18. Okay

It was a bit past eight before Tyler left. Despite how badly I wanted to walk him all the way to the subway station, I needed to put some distance between us. We'd been so close physically and emotionally all day, and I needed to stop before I wouldn't be able to let him go.

A bit after he left, there was a knock on my door. "Come in," I said as I tied the top of my pajama pants, opting to remain shirtless. My body still smelled like him even after I'd showered. I could still feel him on me and taste his lips.

Padre slowly opened the door before he walked in. Papa followed closely after. "Hey, Addi," Padre said.

"Hi," I softly said as I sat on my bed.

My dads sat on either side of me. Papa spoke first. "We heard Kyra leave. I wanted to come up and check on you, but your father advised me against it."

"And based on the shape of your bed, I'm glad I did," Padre poked as he looked at the messy sheets on my bed.

I blushed and looked down. "It wasn't like that, dad, gross."

"If that's what you want us to believe. There better not have been any special hugging, because even though neither one of you two can get pregnant, that doesn't mean–"

I quickly pressed my hands over my ears. "La la la, we're not having this conversation right now! La la la!"

Papa laughed as he gently pushed Padre. "Alright, Noah, the poor boy's had enough." He turned to me and gently started rubbing my back. "Do you want to talk about it? If not, it's ok, we're willing to wait as long as you need to."

"We just need to know that you're safe. That you're not in physical danger or the risk of being outed. Trust me, it's not fun." There was a pain in Padre's voice as he said that, his fingers subconsciously touched his ribs. He still had pain in his chest from time to time from how his teammates had beat him.

"You have support from us, Addi. Use it," Papa pressed.

I weakly grinned at them. "Grazie (thank you)," I whispered. "It...It was bad, to be honest. My phone was still on silent so I didn't see her texts or yours. I didn't even hear her or Azalea call my name. She came up, saw us, together and freaked. I mean I get it, but we're on break and my feelings for Ty have been growing...I couldn't stop my life because hers did." I stopped myself. "Signore aiutami (Lord help me) I sounded like a dick just then." I shook my head and looked at my hands. The lines were the same. My DNA hadn't changed, but everything about me was changing.

"I've been falling out of love with her and she's still holding on to it. I don't know when it started or why, but I did. I've been trying so hard to try to hold on to that hope I'd once had that we would, you know, get married and have a family. I tried to find it in the cute way she'd crinkle her nose and in her laugh and in holding her and in kissing her. I would feel something, but it wasn't love. At least I don't think it was, not in the way she wanted. With each passing day, I just kept losing my grip until I fell out of love with her and into...whatever with Ty."

My insides were buzzing and my head was spinning. "I tried to talk to her, but you should've seen the look on her face. The pain. The betrayal. The confusion. I couldn't get my thoughts together. I couldn't escape what was happening. I had no excuses, not that those were what she was looking for anyway. I don't know. I feel like a colossal jerk. I mean, I still care about her. A lot, despite how it may seem. Maybe our love has turned platonic, I don't know." I angrily ran my fingers through my hair, a harsh contrast to the soft way Tyler had been running his fingers through it as we laid together and watched television. I mentally slapped myself. How could I retrace every action I did to him, especially in a time like this?