Shingeki no Kiss (Attack on Titan Fanfiction) [LevixEren]

After story: That Fateful Acceptance

After story: That Fateful Acceptance

          How many tears does it take to heal?

It has been 2 years since the death of Eren’s lover Levi. He goes by each day attempting to move on. He laughs, he smiles – none of it complete. Eren is getting through each day as quick as possible. The pain still lingers on…

          I went to his grave again… I go every day if I can. Levi, remember when you promised not to go too far away those many years ago? Eren began to cry and fell to his knees against the grave. He threw his fists against it in despair. “When is next time??! When will I get to see you again? I want to see you. I want you here with me Levi!”

          Things were not the same for me. I try to get myself together for my children and friends. But I’m finding it impossible to move on without Levi. It’s becoming more unbearable day by day. I can’t stand this loneliness anymore.

          So many words left unsaid. So many moments left unlived. It happened all of a sudden – in a minute I lost the most precious person in my life. Where could I have changed that moment in order to protect him? Impossible. This life – everything is pain. It’s inevitable not to have him taken away from me. But I didn’t want it to happen like this. I go on wondering what could have been.

          The scariest thought is that I will never see him again. His scent, his breath, him – he’s all gone. I can’t seem to find peace, I pick up pieces of myself daily to no avail. I secretly leave everything he left behind in the same place. As if it was only yesterday Levi was here. To me, this is the only proof I have left behind of his existence. Now I only have lonely memories.

          If the afterlife does exists, I wonder if he thinks about me. I know he will, our love was strong. But why did it have to end? Do I deserve to go by my days incomplete and lonely? Was it all for nothing? I’ve never would have thought this would hurt so, so much. I think I might just go insane. Our love was absolutely incomparable. Where are you Levi? I want to find him. I want to feel again.

          I’m broken. My emotions have left me. It’s been 2 years since I felt laughter that truly came from my heart. I can’t let go of this pain. Happiness to me is peace, a peace from this pain. How many tears is it going to take to finally let go – to heal? No one has any idea how many tears I’ve cried in silence. I live like this each day.

          Levi, I never imagined you would be the one to cause me such incomprehensible pain. My soul aches, waiting for you to come back. I want to embrace you inside your tight grip. I don’t want you to ever let me go again. I want you to be a part of my life again. No one could ever replace what you have given me.

          “I can’t go on any longer… I’m at my limit.” Eren cried.

          “What’s all this about?” A stranger said behind Eren. “Who are you?” “The name’s Kenny Ackerman. Is this Levi Ackerman’s grave?” Kenny asked. “This is Levi Reiss’s grave…” Eren said in confusion. “Ah! The Reiss’s must’ve adopted the brat!” Kenny said.

          This man had a stern look on his face with short black hair and somewhat of a beard. He is a very tall and slim man wearing a bowler hat and trench coat; possibly middle aged. Kenny was definitely intimidating. Oddly enough he reminded me of Levi.

          “What is your relation to Levi?” Eren asked whipping away his tears. “Does that matter? I just raised him a bit. I taught the guy how to fight and now he’s gone.” Kenny explained.

          “Yeah, he disappeared in a blink of an eye.” Eren shook. “A loss of a life is out of your control. Just go on as it is…” Kenny said casually. “How am I supposed to go on knowing all too well life isn’t the same? He was someone that changed my life drastically. Everything we had… how do I move on from that?!” Eren yelled.

          “Do you know how precious life is? No matter how small it may be, a reason to live is strong. And that reason helps you move on. The only one causing you pain is yourself.” Kenny said calmly. “But-” Eren was cut off. “Do you want to continue living in your pain? Stop finding excuses to move on. You obviously still want to live in the past.” Kenny remarked.

          “What’s wrong with wanting what once was? It was perfect… it was everything I ever dreamed of. It’s all I have left of him!” Eren explained. Kenny approached Levi’s grave, “I haven’t seen him in many years and I’ll never know what he became. I wasn’t there for that part of his life like you were. Is that not enough for you? You were his and he was yours. He lives on inside of you. People… leave in this world. The pain you feel is normal but you have to let it go – or else…” Kenny elaborated.

          “How do I move on?” Eren asked. “You have to learn to remember him, but also to forget the pain.” Kenny answered. “This is so frustrating!” Eren flustered. “When was the last time you laughed?” Kenny questioned. “Long ago.” Eren quickly answered.

“Are you waiting… for someone to tell you it’s ok to be happy?” Kenny stated. Tears drowned Eren’s eyes. There was something about this man that was different than anyone else who has comforted Eren’s sorrow. His words were similar to Levi’s. These were the words Eren needed to hear.

Eren desired to protect his children and to be there for them in their lives. Throughout Eren’s pain he has been waiting for that signal… the signal that told him it was time for him to chase happiness in everyday life.

“I think I’m fine, being alone and all. I have friends and family who have supported me throughout these years. It really isn’t that bad… life. I had something great. But I won’t think of this as a loss anymore. I’ve gained the strength to face the worst.” Eren took a deep breath.

“Living for him is my promise. I’ll continue our forever. I’m ready, for what life has next for me.” Eren accepted.