On the Side of Insanity (A Sander Sides Fanfiction)

10. Logan's and Remus's

Logan held a black lace handkerchief in his hands. He twisted it here and there. Crumpling and flattening it on the cover of his book.

"Are you all right, Logan?"

He looked up at the lady in the black dress. Her eyes were blotchy and red. He nodded.

"Would you like me to sit with you?" She smiled kindly at the small boy.

He shook his head.

She nodded and walked away.

He caught bits of conversation as people walked by where he sat in the grass and played with his handkerchief.

"...she was so young..."

"...poor motherless boy..."

"...not crying. Must be too shocked..."

"Logan."

Logan looked up again.

"The funeral is about to begin."

Logan took the man's extended hand and followed to the front of the crowd and near the sleek black coffin. Logan rubbed his thumb on the leather of his book as the preacher began to speak in his boring voice.

"Logan," Logan stiffened as the man murmured in his ear. "At least try."

Logan twisted his face into what he hoped was a convincing mourning expression and sagged his shoulders.

Neither of them cared about the women that lay in the luxurious box before them. Even if they had, both of them were already too hardened against pain to really feel anything.

After the service Logan and the man pretended to except condolences and regret the loss of their "loved one".

Finally they were able to leave. Logan sat in the welcomed silence of the carriage, listening to the click of his father opening and closing a small women's coin bag. It was empty except for a black handkerchief that matched Logan's. Logan and the man were both very clever. If they had an item that belonged to the women it would look like they were having a hard time letting go.

"Logan."

"Yes, sir?"

"I am still trying to figure out my whole plan but let's review what we do know will happen."

"I'll go back to boarding school. I'll remain at the top of my class. I'll cry at night for a few weeks so that the other boys will hear me and tell the teachers. Then they'll know I miss her." Logan adjusted his necktie and went back to playing with the handkerchief.

The man nodded. "I'll go back to work but won't do so well. My employer will be concerned and insist I take some time to mourn and spend time with you. I will send to your school and you'll arrive home."

"I will then meet the new Mrs. Gandhi. I'll be angry but warm up to her quickly." Logan pushed his glasses into place.

"Then we'll be a new healed family that remembers but does not dwell on our loss."

"People will ask why you married so fast," Logan realized.

"You'll tell them that I did it so that you could have a mother."

Logan nodded. The plan was well thought out.

Night was falling, making the light inside the carriage a dark grey. Everything was so still. But the still shifted as the man extended a hand towards Logan. Logan met it with his own. They held hands in the dark. This was a real show of their connection. Not staged for the world to see.

"I'm sorry, Lo," The man whispered in the dark.

"Me too," Logan whispered back.

They weren't apologizing for the death of the women. They were apologizing for what she had done to them both. With her words she had beat them both into the dust. Most people would be broken but not these two. They were resilient and learned to loose emotions to protect themselves.

"At least she died before one of us did something."

Logan nodded. Another reason to be glad she was gone.

"Still," Logan leaned back. "I feel... guilty for pretending like this. And... I feel... the empty space where she was."

The man smiled. "At least one of us does. Hopefully one day you'll find something or someone that will restore you entirely."

"I wish the same for you."

"Oh, no. It's too late for me." He closed his eyes. "But not for you."

***

Remus was terrified. He wrestled and pulled at his straight jacket. His hair kept getting in his eyes and the sweat that pasted his hair to his forehead made it impossible to push away.

A few hours earlier his father had woken him. He had told Remus that he was going on an adventure. Remus had reached to wake Roman as well, excited, but his father had stopped him.

"Roman is going to sit this one out," their father whispered.

They had quietly gotten Remus dressed and they walked through the house and out the front door. There was a funny looking carriage waiting for them.

"Where's momma?" Remus asked.

"She... couldn't see you off. Remus, guess what?"

"What?"

"You're going on a quest. You're going to go get fixed!"

"Fixed?" Remus pushed his hair out of his eyes but the white bit fell back down. "What do you mean? Am I broken?"

"You know how you act a bit different than Roman?"

Remus thought about it. "I guess so."

"These people will change that."

"How long will I be gone?"

"Quite some time, Remus."

Remus turned this over in his mind and looked at the weird carriage. It had bars on the back. Someone was already in there. Their eyes rolled around in their head and they were drooling. Remus squinted at the words written on the side of the carriage.

And suddenly he understood.

Remus broke into a run, away from the carriage. His father quickly caught him before he got far.

"Roman!" Remus screamed. "Roman, help!"

"Don't make this harder than it has to be!" His father hissed. "Please just go quietly."

Remus opened his mouth to scream for his brother again but one of the two men that was driving the carriage appeared by his side and stuffed a gag in his mouth. He tried to scream for Roman as they shoved him in a straight jacket and then into the back of the carriage.

"Promise he'll be properly taken care of?" Remus heard his father say.

"Properly," one of the men confirmed.

I may be crazy, Remus sat in his dark and dank cell and thought. But I don't think this is proper.

He then struggled against the chains that held him fastened to a wall. His cheeks were hurting from where the muzzle was rubbing his skin raw.

Come save me like in our games, Roman! Remus screamed out in his mind before breaking down into another round of sobs. Where are you? Can you tell me... what I did?