Watched

Chapter 27: Moving Out, Moving In

It wasn't long before we decided that I would move in with you. My family was furious, but I knew it was what you needed. I wanted to be there to love you and comfort you as you went through therapy. And you needed to transition into living in the present, not in the past.

I knew you needed me.

While I was packing some of my belongings, my mom came in and just watched me for a bit. Then she said, “So, you're really leaving?”

“It's just across town, Mom.”

“I know, I just hoped you'd be at home longer. I really missed you when you were gone.”

“I missed you, too, but Zayn needs me now and I want to be there for him. And I promise, we'll be good,” I said, smirking so you'd understand my meaning.

“I trust you,” she said. “It just hurts a little bit that you don't need me anymore.”

“Mom! I'll always need you. No offense, but you weren't here during times that I needed you, and I got along okay, but I need you now.”

“I really screwed up, didn't I?” Her voice was filled with remorse.

I stopped packing and went to sit next to her on my bed. I hugged her tightly for a long time, and then I told her, “Dad was the one who screwed up, Mom. It wasn't your fault he left. Didn't you cover this in therapy?” I laughed a little because we always talked about therapy in our family, and we joked about how we were all a little crazy.

“Yeah, we did, but I never believed it wasn't my fault. I should have been a better wife....”

“Mom, stop that nonsense! It was Dad's choice to marry you and his foolish choice to leave. You were the best wife and mom you could have been. When he left, we were all hurting. Even when you weren't able to care for us the way you wanted to, we had Uncle Brandon. He was the best fill-in Dad ever.”

“I'm just so sorry I wasn't there for you,” she said with a trembling voice.

“That's okay, Mom. You're here now."

“I guess...I felt guilty when you came back after we thought you were kidnapped. When you told us you went willingly, I felt like it was my fault for not being there for you and not supporting you and maybe not even noticing that you were stressed out enough to run away. And I was hurt because I felt like you left me, just like Dad did.”

“Don't think of it as running away. I made a spur of the moment decision and it ended up working out wonderfully, besides the fact that I put my family through hell. I didn't choose to leave any of you. That wasn't my intention at all. But Zayn is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I truly love him.”

“Do you think you can trust him?” She asked.

“Of course. Is that what's been bothering you – thinking I fell in love with a complete stranger?”

“Well, I did wonder how you fell for him so fast. And when he first came over, I recognized him from around town, so I just thought....maybe....” Her voice trailed off, not wanting to say what she was thinking.

“What, Mom?”

“I just thought maybe he was a stalker or something, like he'd been following you all this time and he'd been waiting for the perfect moment to get you to go with him.”

I gulped and tried to hide my shock at her (correct) assumption. “No, of course not,” I said shakily. “I'd seen him around too, and I figured I could trust him to give me a lift. But then I decided to go with him to the cabin, just to get a break.”

I hugged her tight again and then said, “Mom, you have to stop blaming everything on yourself. We all make our own choices, and I'm happy with the way my life is turning out. Besides, Zayn and I will stay in Grand Forks. He has no family left in England and he said he loves it here. You'll see us all the time, and you'll get to see your grandbabies often, too.”

“Grandbabies?” She asked. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Mom! I just told you that Zayn and I would behave. We're not going to have sex until we get married. But we might want to get married soon, if you know what I mean!" I laughed a little bit, feeling awkward for sharing that with my mom. 

Then I wondered if she'd had sex with anyone since Dad left, and I immediately felt a little creepy for thinking about that. A few months ago, I would have been mortified if anyone even made reference to my mother's sex life. 

But you had awakened something in me. I was glad it had been dormant until now because I didn't want to sleep around in high school, but it was easy because I never really wanted to. I had a few crushes, a few short-term boyfriends, but I never even imagined sex with them. I guess that was generally a good thing, but sometimes I used to wonder if I would ever be interested in sex.

Well, now I knew my answer.

When I had all of my things packed, my mom helped me bring everything to the car, and then she came to our apartment to help me unload. I knew you'd be helping too. You didn't come to help me pack, because you wanted to make sure everything was perfect before I moved in. 

When we got to the apartment, you had everything spotless, even the windows. The winter sun was shining brightly into the apartment, glinting off the snow. You had a bouquet of fresh flowers on the small kitchen table and the place smelled like apples and cinnamon. Then I noticed a fragrant candle burning. I was hoping you had made apple spice cake again, but it was enough of a welcome that you had you made the place so warm and inviting.

"Welcome home," you said with a wide grin.

I threw my arms around you and gave you a sloppy kiss, not caring at all what my mom thought. 

After that, I started unpacking my clothes in the bedroom while you and my mom unpacked some of my books and other things in the living room. We worked quietly for a while, and then I heard you chatting with my mom. I was glad to hear that maybe she was warming up to you.

She asked where you worked and you told her about your handyman job. But then I heard you tell her that you might want to go to art school. I smiled to myself, knowing you were starting to think about your future instead of dwelling in your horrendous past.

She asked about your art work and you showed her a few of your paintings. Her reaction was the same as mine, gushing about your obvious talent.

Then you told her, "I painted one of River." You had hung it in our bedroom.

I couldn't think fast enough to stop her, so when my mom walked in and caught sight of it, she stopped in her tracks and scrutinized it carefully. Her jaw dropped open slowly as she realized exactly where I was in the portrait.

"Zayn, where did you say you were from?" She asked hoarsely.

You looked at me with absolute fear in your eyes. Then you turned back to my mom and, with a quiver in your voice, you answered her. "Leigh-on-Sea."

My mom's face transformed into a look of something between terror and fury. "You saw River there, didn't you?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a short chapter, but important, I think. I'll try to update again soon! After all, I'm stuck in a hotel room with not much to do!!! :D

xoxoxo!