Breaking Free

Chapter 14: Past

When I got home from Joshua's house, I threw off my clothes and stared at myself in the mirror in my room. There were red spots I was sure would turn into bruises on my legs. Bruises nobody will see, just like Joshua said.

I grabbed my bathrobe from my closet door and threw it on me. I raced for the bathroom and shut the door as quietly as I could, locking it.

I stripped the robe off of me and stepped into the shower.

The cold water hit my burning skin. I didn't care that the water was cold. I didn't care about anything but getting the feeling of him off of me.

I grabbed my soap from the side of the shower and started rubbing it all over me. Every spot he touched, I rubbed harder. I needed him to disappear.

My tears fall, mixing in with the water, and I could hear my sobs breaking over the water's sound.

I don't know how long I'm in the shower, but at that moment I didn't care. I scrubbed and scrubbed as much as I could, but his touch still stayed.

A knock on the door made me jump. "Paige, honey, are you okay?" My mom asked from the other side of the door. I hear the doorknob rattle as she tried to get in.

No. I stop scrubbing.

She can't find out. She can't.

I spoke through the loudness of the shower, and the thickness of my tongue. "I'm..." My voice cracked, and I had to cough to clear the raw emotions. "Yeah. I'm fine. I think I'm coming down with a cold. I'll be out in a few minutes."

A small pause. A tiny stop of a heartbeat. Then, "Okay, sweetheart. I will start breakfast."

A lie. Another lie.

I fall to my knees at the bottom of the tub.

How could this have happened?

I just want to go back in time. I wish I can rewind to the day I met Beth and erase it. I wish I never met her, or Joshua.

Something in the corner of my eye catches my attention. My razor.

What if I never can get rid of his fingers on me? What if I can never get rid of these memories? What if I can erase myself?

What if?...