Inhumane

018

PAIGE

The weeks began to pass faster and with that, life was slowly becoming easier. I continued my days with Rhia and an awkward sort of dance with the Wolf. I no longer needed a chaperone to walk back and forth between our house and his parents'. I supposed you could say I was gaining trust. It felt nice, and everyone seemed to notice.

I felt lighter, like I was slowly letting go of things that had weighed heavily on my shoulders for years. Some days were easier than others, as if the depression settled into some darker corner of me. It was easy to pretend and forget that I was Paige Baylor, daughter of Samuel Baylor, raised to hunt wolves. Instead, I tried out the mundane life of a wolf that still caused me unease.

It had been three months since the bear attack. Three months since I crossed over the border and became a wolf. Three months since I had touched a gun. I didn't know how to feel. I kind of missed my father.

"You look different," the Alpha Female, Faith, said to me one day when I was walking in the frigid cold. The snow was piled high enough to reach my waist, but the foot trails were well cleared. She was wearing a fur coat with the hood pulled up, a stocking cap on her head, and these tall snow boots.

"I do?" I asked, still wary of her. There wasn't any clarity on where we stood. Evaluating her with my eyes, I noticed she was brutally beautiful with her sharp eyes and cheekbones even from ten feet away.

"Yeah, you look... More comfortable." She folded her arms over her chest, not indifferently, just suggesting polite interest. "Are you getting along okay?"

"Okay enough," I responded, slightly unnerved by her approach. She gave off an aura that made the inner parts of me want to curl. She had power. I had to respect her for it, she reminded me of my mother.

"That's good. I knew I sensed something in you." She came closer until we were only a foot apart, she held a few good inches on me. "Paige, look, I was harsh on you in the beginning. However, I don't judge anyone until I know them. Maybe I still don't know you, but I can see you well enough and I appreciate you for trying. I know it can be hard to integrate into a new world. The fact you are is impressive."

"How would you know?" I couldn't help the slight bite in my words. It made me a little mad that she thought I had been integrated. I had been plucked and shoved, not integrated. At the same time, it was pleasing to know that no matter what I was actually doing, people were believing it.

She cocked her head at me, a characteristic that was distinctly canine. "I have fought my own battles too, you know. It is not the easiest thing in the world to be a Female Alpha."

I imagined it wasn't, there wasn't a single easy thing about being a female and climbing to the top of a pyramid of males.

"We should talk more," she touched her cheek to mine. "I really would like to be your friend. After all, we'll be working together for the next few decades."

Nodding, we pulled away from one another. She gave me a brief toothless smile and made her way off into the cold. I stood still for a few minutes, just breathing and looking up at the white trees. What made me sort of sad was that I had missed out on the family dynamic that made a Pack. There was a subtle warmth in my chest, knowing there was a path I could choose that lead me to a position of leadership, a family of my own, of undeniable trust and loyalty and peace. I closed my eyes and fought the urge to cry. I couldn't remember a time when I felt such a way.

On the other side of things, my bond with Rhia had only grown stronger since my Heat that she helped me through. She was easy to be with and had endless things to keep me preoccupied with. We baked, went on runs, met with other women who warily accepted me, and did lessons. She managed to coax me into my wolf form weekly, a feat I found very difficult. It was hard to become something that you hated. Like turning into your own nightmare every day. Like being your own nightmare every day.