Inhumane

016

PAIGE

The morning following my talk with Damon had me still kicking myself for opening up. I feared that I lost the progress I had gained with their trust. But eventually, I thought better and considered maybe opening up in some form would bring them closer. Close enough to get something that I wanted.

On top of that, the sensations of my approaching Heat were becoming increasingly hard to ignore. There was a consistent warmth between my legs, a need to hold my thighs together and clench my teeth in need. Every inch of my body's surface was sensitive. Too sensitive to continue wearing clothing. I had awoken to sweat breaking out on the back of my neck after a few long hot and heavy dreams with one of the Wolf's hands around my throat and the other holding the sturdy headboard.

The wolf's pacing outside my room was incessant, every pace sending a wave of his smell beneath the door and into my nose. Each inhale made my mouth water. It took all the control in my body to stay anchored to the bed. I didn't want him in there, I tried to convince myself. But it was becoming impossible.

The hours passed slowly and he finally had to just go outside because the onslaught of desire was too much to bear. Eventually, Rhia took his place and he was too far for me to feel him any longer. Shockingly, the loss was extreme, and it made the fire in my veins burn hotter.

"This hurts, Rhia." I gritted out as I held to the sheets for dear life.

"It's because of the bond, sweet female. It's trying to push you to mate and you're resisting. The worst isn't until tomorrow, I hate to say."

I moaned out, pulling at the cotton neck of my shirt. Rhia gently sat me up, lifting the constricting fabric off and disappearing to grab a cold washcloth for my forehead.

"Do you want to be sedated?"

Squeezing my eyes shut, I debated. After a few heartbeats, I decided it was risky and I couldn't let my guard down for that long. No matter how hard it was to keep my legs together, I didn't trust these wolves any more than they trusted me. I shook my head, grunted a no, and laid back down. With my eyes closed, I reflected on the recent past to take my mind off the slow burn.

The weeks that lead up to that weekend had been passing fast. They each faded into one another, blurring until I could no longer distinguish Monday from Friday. The only telling of a new day was each of Rhia's new lessons and laying my head on one of the Wolf's soft pillows at night. The fabric of his sheets no longer smelled of him, they had taken my smell weeks prior, and kept it. There was less and less of his scent in the room every day, consistently being overridden by mine. The Wolf came into my room once in the mornings and once in the evenings, just to change clothes. Sometimes he didn't enter at all. I noticed he was slowly moving into the guest bedroom, retiring his position on the couch that he had reserved for months.

It was becoming increasingly hard not to settle into the comfort of Rhia's warm home. Sometimes I would catch myself feeling at peace and losing track of my surroundings. Mentally, I would chastise myself at night, clenching my teeth and fists so hard I shook. A small part of me, the one that clung to the innocent girl I once was, considered the warmth and sanctity of Rhia and her home and her lessons. That part of me pleaded to let go, to sink into this new world and see where it took me. But I just couldn't, I couldn't bear to think of what my father's reaction to that would be. The thought alone was terrifying; I imagined my own pelt hung above the fireplace. I imagined the look he would get when he found out I had become his own worst enemy. Our worst enemy.

The resulting effort of the battle inside of my head of good and evil was feigned interest and lots of exhausted pauses. I tried my best to be enthusiastic, and it seemed as if the Wolf's mom bought it, but it was wearing me thinner and thinner. Looking back on it, the only exhausting parts were the lying, the deceit. Rhia had many lessons to teach me nonetheless. She began with being a wolf: we learned about the history, the duties, the dynamics. We moved forward to talk about the environment, the ways that it ebbed and flowed. There were concepts mentioned like mating, marking, and the infamous Heat that only occurred twice a year at the most. Rhia also taught me how to be a Beta, but I told her I was in no place to take a position. She merely shrugged and continued on.