Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

Every Second Counts

Dear Diary,

Today was really, really intense. It was my first weekend off from med school classes and my first long shift back at the station which felt like forever. While most of the day was really hectic, it started off pretty well. I went for a run with Vic and Maya (why I think it's a good idea to run with an olympian I'll never know) and Maya led us through a park and up a hill to the same tent city we had been to earlier in the week.

A few days ago, before school, I joined a call with Maya and Andy to administer vaccines. While we were there, Maya saw her brother Mason and it didn't necessarily go great. He was pretty angry with her for wanting to change his lifestyle and she got defensive saying that she only wanted what was best for him. We didn't really talk about it on our way back to the station, but she texted me later that night to say that she had gone back to bring him art supplies in an effort to show that she really did care about him.

Anyway, Maya ran us right back to that spot and paused. Vic thought she was just giving her a chance to catch her breath, but I saw her looking at a mural where Mason's tent used to be. She looked around for him, and so did I tbh, but he wasn't there anymore. She started running again with no warning leaving me and Vic behind. I sprinted to catch up to her to see if she would talk with me while she ran... I also selfishly thought that she might slow down a little if she was talking.

"That mural back there, that was Mason's right?" Mattie asked out of breath.

"Yeah. It looks like his style" Maya replied without missing a beat. Mattie's hope for a slower run was clearly not going to pan out. She tried to keep pace to keep talking before Vic caught up. "Was it a dove? Do you think maybe it was like a peace offering?"

Maya smiled, "yeah I hope so." Her smile faded a little, "I didn't see his tent though. So he must have left."

"I noticed that too. But you made the effort, he accepted, and he knows where to find you. That's at least a start, and a whole lot better than where you guys were last week" Mattie said trying to be optimistic.

"Yeah, it is," Maya said hopefully as Vic caught up.

"What are you guys talking about?"

Mattie looked over her shoulder back towards the mural, "Just how the painting down there was really nice."

Because Maya is INSANE she made us run all the way back to the station. After 10 miles I was so happy to step into the shower before shift. I knew it would be a long day considering everyone had to do peer reviews. With all of that coming up I was hoping we would get an easy day. It started off that way. We actually had some time this morning to sit and have breakfast before we got called out. Vic was begging Travis for details about his breakfast date with Grant, Edith's grandson, but he didn't go so sadly there was nothing to tell.  Andy checked in with me to see how I was doing, considering we hadn't seen each other since my early morning meltdown on her porch. She tried to be discreet about it but Maya heard her ask. I would've told her eventually anyway so I didn't really mind... until Vic got wind of it. Now I adore Vic, but she is such a gossip so I was sure that the second she found out the whole team would know.

"What? Why wouldn't Mattie be alright?" Vic questioned from across the table, leaning in so as not to miss a word.

Mattie looked up and saw everyone suddenly staring at her. Without much of a choice she addressed the group. "Um, well Connor and I broke up a few days ago. But I'm fine. Really." She tried to sound as self assured as possible hoping that they would believe her, even if she didn't fully believe herself.

Thankfully that conversation was interrupted by a call before anyone could ask me more questions. We arrived on the scene to see a single car MVC with just one victim, a young guy named Peter. He seemed to be just fine, but we were going to take him to the hospital to get checked out anyway. Gibson, Vic, and I loaded him into the aid car. I sat in the back with him and we chatted about American Bake-off and his wife until Andy suddenly told us to pull over. I couldn't see anything from where I was sitting so the order seemed really strange. Once we pulled over and got out I realized exactly why. A party bus had flipped over and there were multiple victims. Andy sent Gibson to stay with Peter. He argued and tried to say that I should be the one to stay back since he's more trained. I countered telling him that I had just as much paramedic training as he did, so unless a fire broke out, I would be at least as useful as him in the field.

I went out and started triaging patients. It turns out that the bus was for a mom's day off trip. I immediately thought of my own mom but quickly shook it off. Working with Vic and Travis to move patients away from the bus, we noticed there were a lot of patients for just one aid car; we would need backup quickly. There were several broken limbs we had to reduce and splint, one woman that had been impaled by a strip of metal and another trapped under the wreckage. Andy ran from patient to patient to trying to make sure everyone was okay. We all had a handle on our patients, but they desperately needed to get to the hospital. Vic kept calling for backup and Station 23 was supposed to be on their way but they took way too long to get there, especially for a call where every second counts. Just as station 23 arrived, Jack called from the aid car. I hopped into the rig and we sped off to the hospital.

You see, Peter, who seemed perfectly nice, had turned out to be an addict trying to get drugs. He planned on getting them from the hospital, but when that plan got delayed, he became impatient. Gibson left for maybe 30 seconds to bring out a gurney, and Peter took advantage of the opportunity to steal some morphine from the aid car. Jack caught him in the act and Peter became increasingly agitated. Jack tried to deescalate the situation but to no avail. Peter ended up smashing his hand through the glass and slicing his finger wide open. Thankfully Dean got to the aid car to help get Peter restrained and treated. We all showed up a minute later and rushed to the hospital.

Luckily that was our last big call of the day. All we had left was peer reviews. While everyone else was getting called in to talk to Ripley, I got a call from Arizona. She told me that she had given her notice and was moving to New York so Sofia could be with both of her moms. I know she's leaving for the right reasons but I'll be really sad to see her go. She's been one of my closest friends for years and I can't imagine living in Seattle without her here. I told her I'd stop by later in the weekend to help her pack and hang out before she leaves.

Between my breakup with Connor, the stressful MVC, and the news that one of my best friends is moving to the other side of the country, I was emotionally exhausted when Ripely asked to speak to me. I wasn't expecting him to call me in, and he said that traditionally he would only talk to firefighters, but he wanted my thoughts. He never actually asked me who I thought would be the best captain, or anything directly about Gibson or Herrera. Instead he asked me how the transition as a paramedic was coming from New York to Seattle. I explained that a lot was different. The types of calls we get aren't quite the same here, the weather definitely affects that. The entire system runs differently in Seattle so I was still learning some of the protocols. But more than anything, I told him the biggest difference was how much Station 19 feels like a family. They trust each other, support each other, and truly care about each other more than any other team of first responders I've ever worked with. I told him how lucky I felt to have been welcomed into the family when I joined the team. And that whoever he chooses for captain better fit into that, because the worst thing he could do was destroy this family. He nodded and said that my statement was helpful and that he had reviewed my records both from New York and my time here. He said that if I ever wanted to drop out of med school and enter the fire academy, he'd happily support the decision.

It was a weird night, and a long stressful day, but at the end of it I got to sit around with some of my people. And somehow, that makes it all worth it.

-Mattie