Just Close Enough to Burn (station 19)

Comfortably Numb

Dear Diary,

It's been a few weeks since I've updated you on things but that's because it's been a little busy haha. To start, I moved out of Maya's apartment. Guils and I decided to move in together and spent a few weeks trying to find a place that was in a good spot for both of us. I need to be close to the station and hospital and not too far from school. She wants to be close to her mom's house and Jasper's school. At first we were going to just stay at Maya's while she and Carina were in Italy. We were relieved because it's the perfect location, but then Maya decided she was going to stay in Seattle so we resumed our search. We searched everywhere for five weeks and were starting to get really frustrated with the market and each other. I hate fighting with Guils, especially over something that seems so dumb, but we were both just fed up with everything going on in the world and took it out on the apartment search. Just as we both contemplated giving up on finding a place, an apartment in my building opened up, three units down the hall from Maya and Carina. It ended up being perfect. It's a two bedroom which Jas is really pumped about; we told him he could come visit and now he just keeps calling it his room. So a lot of our time the past few weeks has been packing and moving, but we're just about settled in our new place.

In that time, I've also been to a bunch of protests with the 19 team and some friends from the hospital. I've made a major donation to the ACLU, donated inclusive books to local elementary schools, and intentionally supported at least three black owned businesses a week. Overall, it's been really powerful to see everything happening across the city and country. I am horrified by the actions of so many police officers across the nation and the people who are supporting these injustices. But then when I see people taking to the streets, funding organizations and small businesses, and coming together in any way they can find to support the Black members of our community, a small piece of my faith in humanity is restored.

Anyway, I guess that about catches you up to today. Which, by the way, was such a whirlwind. It started out pretty chill. Guils and I went for a run this morning, then she went to her mom's house to help Jas with his virtual school and I went back to our apartment for my own virtual classes. Then I was dancing around the apartment soaking up the gorgeous afternoon sun with the windows open and unpacking some books. It was one of the most peaceful and light moments I've had in a while... until I heard fighting coming from down the hall. I paused my music and immediately recognized the voices; it was Maya and Carina. I was only catching bits and pieces of the fight. Carina saying she doesn't believe in marriage. Maya asking if they were even right for each other. All of it, even the parts I couldn't make out, broke my heart. I've seen the way they look at each other, the way they support and love each other, and I can't imagine them breaking up.

Eventually I heard their door open and close and then everything went quiet. I quietly finished putting away the stack of books I was still holding and then went to find my phone to text them individually and see if they're okay. Before I could even hit send there was a knock on my door: it was Maya.

Mattie held up her phone and let out a slight chuckle, "I was just about to text you."
Any smile on her face faded when she saw Maya's face drop. "So you heard all that huh?" Maya asked quietly.
Mattie nodded. "You wanna talk?" she asked.
Maya shook her head.
Mattie desperately wanted to know what happened but wanted to respect her friend's boundaries and ultimately she just wanted to make sure Maya was okay.
"You wanna come in and just hang for a bit?" she asked.
Maya nodded and silently made her way through her friend's apartment and plopped down on the couch.
Mattie joined her, gently put a hand on her shoulder. Before she could even ask if she was okay Maya teared up and leaned into Mattie.
Mattie wrapped her arms around her friend as she buried her head in her shoulder.
"Oh honey," she sighed out sadly as she rested her head on Maya's and rubbed slow circles around her back.

Maya and I sat in silence for a while, and I let her cry on my couch until she was ready to talk. Eventually she told me all the details of their fight. It was just more of what I had overheard, but Maya said that she wasn't even sure if they were still together anymore. Seeing her so upset and hearing that they might be over broke my heart.

Once Maya had calmed down I suggested that we go meet up with Andy to visit Ben in the hospital. Oh yeah, Ben had testicular cancer and needed to have surgery. Luckily they were able to remove it all and he's recovering well.

Anyway, on our way over I discreetly texted Carina to check in on her. If Maya was this upset, I knew Carina would be too. I hadn't checked my phone while we were in seeing Ben, but was surprised to see that she hadn't responded an hour later as we all left. I shrugged it off, figuring she would text me back when she was ready, and put my phone back in my pocket. I went and grabbed coffee for all of us from the best coffee cart at the hospital and saw a car pull up as I was headed back to my friends. I nearly dropped them all when I saw who got out of the car: it was Carina.

She told Maya that she didn't care about all the things they had fought about earlier; all she knew was that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with her. Then she proposed, and of course Maya said yes. I quickly put the coffees down on a bench and ran over to hug them. I am so incredibly excited that two of my best friends will be getting married! I may have even cried a little watching the proposal... don't tell anyone haha.

Anyway, after that they went home to celebrate as fiances and Andy and I went to grab lunch together and catch up. I hung out with her the rest of the afternoon and now I'm waiting for Guils to get home so I can tell her the good news.

-Mattie